I Was Born Just To Get To You
by Ciardha
Summary: This story is a variation on how the Doctor learns he and River have had children. It is set later than my others- an alternate to the events of series 7b finale. Clara is in this one- with a positive resolution to the forced triangle in the show: one that just makes the Doctor look like a sleaze, until it's maybe resolved in some fashion with River's return in the 7b finale .
1. Chapter 1

I Was Born Just To Get to You

(This story is another variation on how the Doctor learns he and River have had children. This one is set later for River than my others- just prior the possible events of series 7b finale. River has been confirmed to play a central role in that episode, and an important secret she's been keeping will be revealed. Doctor Who characters are their property. The title comes from a line in a John Lennon song, "Out the Blue". It's one of those songs that sounds very much like River and the Doctor's romance. This line was perfect for the title in so many ways, and the full line sounds like it could be alternating back and forth between them. I hope you check the song out.)

River didn't know how long this cave would stay a secure hiding place. So much running, and with two small children… She would keep them safe at all costs. Her son's face showed his exhaustion, but finally he could get some sleep now. Even a three quarters time lord child needed sleep. Jonothon was too big to carry anymore, especially with his little sister already in his mother's arms. So he had run the whole time, clinging tight to his mother's hand.

Even Amelia was no longer a tiny baby, thankfully. She looked down in her lap where her fifteen month old daughter slept. Having been carried in her mother's arms the whole three days, she had slept nearly enough, but was fussy from hunger.

Poor Jonothon he had to be hungry too, but he was so much like his grandfather, Rory. He didn't complain much and was quiet most the time. She could see the anxiety and fear in his eyes, but he only expressed it by clinging tightly to her, even in their safe moments.

Up till three days ago they had a happy and secure life in the 52nd century. They had a home. Jonothon would start kindergarten soon. Amelia was now running around the house with her toys and always following her older brother. River smiled, Jonothon was such a tolerant older brother compared to the children of her coworkers. But maybe it was because Amelia was so young yet. Maybe if the normal life had continued and he had gone to school and made friends, he would have gotten annoyed at his little sister wanting to follow him everywhere. She had something of a normal life too, for the first time- a professor and a mother. No running for her life, just running after her children, especially Amelia. Jonothon may be like his grandfather, but Amelia was her father's daughter, hyper, always into things, driving her mother slowly mad.

Their father… River sighed. This was the last safe place she knew. All that was left was finding the Tardis. Not necessarily safe, but secure, yes. They couldn't stay here long. She was reaching exhaustion as well, and that was dangerous. She didn't dare sleep.

Three days ago she was playing with the children at home when suddenly the house exploded around them. She was never so glad to have the vortex manipulator on her wrist. She had dropped to her knees, grabbed the children, quickly hit coordinates on it, and landed in her parents' home one week before they went to Manhattan.

Amy and Rory weren't home, thankfully, there was no time for explanations, whoever destroyed her home might be able to track her here. River grabbed a large bag Amy hated from the closet. Then she spotted a stack of energy bars and a group of fruit juice drinks on the kitchen counter. She left a brief note to explain the absence and an apology for not staying to visit. "Needed food and drink supplies for a surprise trip, not with the Doctor, sorry for missing you. Love always, your daughter."

She tossed the food and drinks in the bag, and collected the children. Jonothon was keeping his sister and himself occupied chasing a small rubber ball around the living room. She picked up the ball and added it to the bag on her shoulder. Then she called the children back to her, kneeled down, wrapped an arm around each child, then pushed the button on the vortex manipulator for their next destination- a department store in 2012 America. It was very quick stop to buy nappies, a bottle for the baby, some dubiously healthy snacks for when the energy bars ran out, and other small personal items for Jonothon and herself. She was glad she still happened to have a valid 21st century credit card in her wallet. How much longer it would be valid she didn't know, the name on it was her's- Melody Pond, but the address was her parent's London home. Paying credit card bills was tricky for a time traveler, and she'd already made it clear to her parents that any bills with her name on it were her responsibility.

The next stop was a 43rd century meteor shower bunker on the Moon. That had been their longest period of rest in the last three days, until now. Jonothon had made a disgusted face at the energy bar but ate it. He looked so relieved when she produced the juice bottle and quickly drank it down. River was glad she was still breast feeding Amelia from time to time because after one bite of an energy bar she spat it out and loudly refused to eat any more of it.

"No! No! Yucky!"

"I know, but it's all we have."

The pout on her daughter's face was so like her father's that River winced at the memory it provoked.

The last time she had seen the Doctor things weren't good between them. Neither of them were dealing well with the loss of Amy and Rory. The Doctor was getting spiteful about her refusal to stay with him all the time. Never mind she had readily said she would travel with him anytime and anywhere. She couldn't stay with him for so many reasons, most she couldn't tell him. At the last he pushed her for why.

"Spoilers" The word came out bitter and sad, not her usual playful reminder.

"Fine, then. Get out." He resolutely turned his back and pointed to the door of the Tardis.

"We haven't landed."

"We have now." he had allowed the Tardis to land silently. He kept his back turned to her.

"I'll find my own way home." She said as she walked out. She had intended the words to sound angry and proud, but her voice broke with pain instead. But she kept on walking forward, not looking back, and ground back her emotions. She took a deep breath and let resolve take place of the raw pain. She would be fine. Once she was back home with the baby and her job as a university professor it would be fine.

It had only been Jonothon then. But she soon discovered she was pregnant again. It felt like a gift, despite it all. Out of the grief and deep misery came something of joy. Somehow she immediately knew this child would be a girl, and chose to call her after her mother. Amelia Song came into the world reaching out to grasp all of it. Even before her first cry her arms had flung outward then back to her chest, as if she was taking in everything and making it her own. She knew then that this child would be her father's daughter, even if he never met her.

"Well, Amelia, Jonothon, I believe it's time to meet your father."

"The man in the big blue box?" Jonothon looked at her curiously.

River had told the children about their father, frequently, never speaking ill of him, despite what had happened. She showed them the pictures she had of him, and the sketches she had of the other Doctors in her journal- in case they happen to meet their father with another face someday.

She also showed them pictures of Amy and Rory and even of herself as Mels. That would be strange if she would encounter her children as Mels. Even as Mels, she would never hurt a child, so she had no fears about it, but it would be strange. Being time lords, one never knew who you might meet and when. "Yes, the man in the big blue box. That's where we'll be going next."

River pulled out the psychic paper from her pocket. She hoped he would come soon.

"In danger, please come right away." Then wrote the time and coordinates for this cave.

Twelve hours passed and River feared he wasn't coming. Then above the cave she heard the Tardis land. She was so exhausted now she could barely stand up carrying Amelia. She looked down at Jonothon. Good, he still looked a bit tired, but didn't look exhausted anymore. She struggled to move her feet, clasping Jonothon's hand.

As they walked out of the small cave, she heard the Doctor speaking to someone.

"Stay in the Tardis. The message said it was dangerous."

River smiled weakly, he had a new companion. He sounded less angry and withdrawn. But still, there was a darker note in his voice. That worried her. She didn't want to think about how close he might be to Trenzalore, especially not with the children with her. But it couldn't be helped; things beyond her control had pushed them back together now.

The Doctor was walking the wrong way as she approached the open door of the Tardis. She was too tired to call out, plus whoever had been chasing them the last three days might be nearby. She walked into the Tardis, noted the change in it's appearance, and got a glimpse of a young, pretty dark haired girl staring at her from across the room.

"Did you send the Doctor the note?"

River nodded wearily as she kneeled down to let Amelia stand on the floor. Dizziness hit as soon as her daughter was safely on her feet. She swayed as she felt exhaustion finally overwhelming her.

"Mum!" Jonothon and Amelia cried as their mother collapsed on the floor. They pulled at her calling for her but unconsciousness had claimed her. Amelia began to scream and cry still pushing at her mother. Jonothon clung to her, wailing as well.

The Doctor ran back into the Tardis, dropping his sonic at the sight that greeted him.

"Who is she?" Clara asked.

"Professor River Song. My wife."

"You didn't tell me you were married." Clara glared.

"Well, now you know." The Doctor bit out, retrieving his sonic. Then he moved to where his unconscious wife lay. He scanned all three and sighed in relief, just hunger and exhaustion. While still looking at his wife he addressed Clara. "Find something the children can eat and bring it back here." The Doctor took the Tardis back into the time vortex as gently as possible, then put the stabilizers on as he plotted in a route that would let them safely drift for a while.

Clara left with a huff to do what the Doctor asked.

He could speak baby, but likely could get more clear information from the boy. He turned his head to where the boy was silently regarding him. The resemblance to his grandfather was unmistakable, the Doctor noted. It was as if Rory was looking at him through the boy's turquoise eyes. The boy spoke to him first,

"Mum said you are our father."

"Did she now?" He smiled.

"Is it true?"

The Doctor sighed. "Yes." When he had scanned the children there was no doubt he was the father- they both read as nearly full time lord, with his genetic markers, with just a bit of human in them that read of their mother's partially human DNA. So this was what River was hiding from him.

"Can you fix mum?"

The Doctor laughed gently. Then with a smile he said, "I'll help her."

Clara returned with some cheese, saltines and water in plastic glasses on a tray. "Will these do?"

"What do you say, that look okay to you?" The Doctor asked his son.

Jonothon nodded and with one last worried glance at his mother, walked over to the stranger. "Mum said that Daddy travels with people, do you travel with my daddy?"

"Uh, yeah." Clara felt very uncomfortable in this situation. She felt like she'd been duped in some way and didn't like it one bit. She liked being the one the Doctor couldn't figure out, and she thought he was unattached.

Jonothon took a few pieces of cheese and a couple of saltines, then tried to awkwardly reach for a water glass.

"Hey, sit down on the stairs. I'll give you the glass."

Jonothon obediently sat down, and looked worriedly back his mother as his father gently turned her over on her back. The Doctor lifted his mother's upper body up slightly and pushed a small pillow under her head. Then his father got back up, muttering to himself as he headed toward a small cabinet on the wall.

As Clara handed the boy a glass she asked, "What's your name?"

"Jonothon Song." He answered promptly.

"How old are you?"

"Five. I'm going to be in kindergarten next month."

The Doctor heard his son and wondered where River was in her time line. He rummaged through the cabinet.

"Ah hah!"

He turned back around, and grabbing the other water glass from the tray headed back toward his unconscious wife.

"That was for the little girl, Doctor!"

"She's too young to hold a glass like that" The Doctor said in a scolding tone. "My wife might have something the baby can drink in that bag." The Doctor pointed to the bag he had pushed to the side.

Clara rummaged through it and found a baby bottle. It looked a bit dirty inside from juice or something but Clara figured it was probably okay. She grabbed the glass away from the Doctor, to his annoyance. Then she poured half the water in the baby bottle. She handed that to the little girl, who was clinging to her mother's hair with wide scared eyes. The small child reached for the bottle with one hand, and immediately began to drink.

"See she was thirsty too."

"I know that." The Doctor said with irritation, grabbing the half full glass back.

"Her name's Amelia." Jonothon spoke up. "Mum said she was named for our Nana."

"Your grandmother?"

"Amy Pond" The Doctor said with anguish.

Clara looked confused. "But her name is Amelia, and their family name is Song. Is that your last name Doctor?"

"Amy hated her real name when she was young. And in a sense that is my last name. It became mine when I married River. River chose to change her name as an adult."

"So do your people take the wife's name when you marry?"

"Yes." The Doctor would let Clara assume whatever she wanted from that. He preferred to keep as many secrets as he could, now more than ever. He smiled gently at his tiny daughter, she was so beautiful. Light Auburn curls and big green eyes. In response the child smiled back, and he realized she had inherited something else from him, the smile looked just like his. He tapped her little nose and the smile turned into a big grin. "Da!"

"That's right, I'm your Da. I'm going to help your mum, so come around to me." He was worried River might thrash around a bit when the injection brought her around and didn't want their daughter to be hurt accidentally.

The toddler let go of her mother's hair, and bottle in hand, awkwardly pushed herself up and ran with an unsteady infant gait until she crashed right into him. The baby laugh assured him she was okay but he looked down at her all the same. "Just how many hearts will you break, hmm?" He could picture her grown up, a tumble of loose auburn curls at her shoulders and those green eyes dancing with the same mischief he used to see so often in her mother's eyes.

He wanted to see that look back in River's eyes, but wondered if he ever would, at least in this regeneration. He'd hurt her so much, would she ever give him any kind of smile again? Did he deserve to see that smile? He gently pulled River's arm out the black jacket sleeve, revealing the short sleeve of her rust colored shirt. She'd never worn that color around him, perhaps because she thought it would remind him of Gallifrey, but it looked good on her. He'd like to buy her a dress that color someday soon. A peace offering, perhaps… He sighed, if she even wanted him anymore. Taking a deep breath, he pressed the injector into her arm and depressed the plunger.

She thrashed her arms and gasped back awake, partly sitting back up before she fell back down. The Doctor was relieved her head fell back on the pillow.

"What in the world did you give me?" River shouted.

"How are you feeling?"

"What was that?" River insisted, but less loudly, as she groaned and brought a hand up to her forehead.

"Gallifreyan. Instant nutrient delivery with a stimulant."

"Ugh. It's awful. My head's spinning."

"Probably the dose was a bit weak. It's been around a while."

"Gallifreyan? Yeah, it's been around a long while." She grimaced but pushed herself into a seated position.

"Maybe this would help?" Clara offered the tray of cheese and saltines.

"Yeah, thanks." River took the tray and sat it on her lap, popping one of saltines in her mouth.

The Doctor silently offered the half glass of water.

River sighed, then gave him a hint of a smile as she took the glass, and quickly drank down the water. "It's alright honey, I know you were trying to help."

For a second he bristled, insulted, but he tamped that down and forced a smile, saying nothing.

River watched the quick play of emotions on his face with inner dread. He is darker. She dropped her eyes to the tray, then looked over to the young woman and smiled warmly. "I'm Professor River Song and these are my children Jonothon and Amelia, What's your name?

"Clara Oswin Oswald." Clara was curious why Professor Song hadn't mentioned that the Doctor was her husband.

The Doctor fumed. Just like that, Clara gave River her full name. She hadn't done that with him.

Clara decided to push matters, she wanted to know what was going on. "Are you married to the Doctor?"

River looked in askance at her husband. "What, he didn't tell you he was married?"

"No." Clara glared at the Doctor.

"It never came up." The Doctor looked uncomfortable.

A crude retort almost came out of River's mouth, but she looked at her children and brutally shoved the thought back. No, she would not get into a verbal battle with their father in front of them. She would stoically take the damage.

The Doctor felt ill as he watched the tentative peace between them crushed by his childish thoughtlessness. He wished he could take it back, wished they had parted better, and wished he had told Clara of his marriage to River, instead of preening at the attention. Clara looked none too pleased at him either. In fact he could tell, even if River had chosen to hold back, Clara had not.

"Why did you do that, you-"

"Not in front of the children!" The Doctor shouted.

Jonothon and Amelia fled to their mother's arms. River gave both reassuring hugs and they burrowed tightly against her sides.

Clara gave him a baleful stare, but stopped.

The Doctor cast about desperately for some subject to take everyone's mind away from what he had done. He realized he didn't know why River and the children had been on the run. He cleared his throat. "River, what kind of danger were you in? Why were you hiding in that cave?"

With relief she pushed aside the current issue. "I didn't have time to figure out who was chasing us. But it started three days ago…"

After she finished the story the Doctor looked thoughtful. "Doesn't sound like the Silence's way or Kovarian either. The Clerics are off the radar, right?"

"Yes. And with no evidence I was with you for some time, I doubt they would have been interested in me anymore."

"Yes, your behavior would have even further lessened their interest- a woman who was quietly living as a professor and taking care of two young children."

"It was nowhere near as boring as the way the Doctor puts it." River smiled at Clara.

Clara shrugged. "Wouldn't know. Not interested in having kids. Or being a professor of anything."

"See, it is boring." The Doctor looked at River with a smirk.

River sighed.

The Doctor grinned, expecting her usual annoyed "I hate you" in response.

"I suppose it looks that way when you aren't interested in it." River addressed her soft reply to Clara.

Then it hit the Doctor how River had taken his thoughtless words. "No, no, I didn't mean it that way!"

"Yes, you did."

"No I didn't. Not about our children!"

"Just taking care of them, huh?"

"No, not that either!"

"Enough, honey, the children are scared."

Ashamed and frustrated that River had taken what he had said wrongly, and that he couldn't fix it, he turned away and fiddled with the Tardis console. "I thought of a place we could go."

River was quite doubtful about the safety of wherever it was. Her desire for adventure was currently very low, after three days running for her and her children's lives. All three of them still needed to recover from that as well. "I'll stay here with the children this time. I think we all need sleep and time to recover, honey."

The Doctor felt disappointed but realized his wife was right. At least she was with him again. Maybe he could make it up to her somehow; maybe she would stay with him now. He'd try to adjust to this grown up woman she'd become. He hoped there was still a part of her that still wanted mad adventures with him. Seeing her again made him realize just how deeply he still loved her. Seeing the children, gave him joy, something he'd lost. It gave him something else too, he couldn't describe the feeling, but it felt like a part of him had found something besides the Tardis to hold onto.

The Doctor wanted to prove to River he wasn't completely thoughtless, he cared deeply for her, and for their children. He realized right now that planet could wait. Right now he'd rather watch his children sleeping safely here in the Tardis, and hold his wife in his arms as she slept, if she allowed him. She had every right to say no.

He had cheated on her by acting like he didn't have a wife, saying nothing about his marriage when Clara was expressing very obvious interest in him. He let himself enjoy the attention. And now he had both women angry at him. He shouldn't even suggest to River that she could sleep in his bed, but it might hurt her even more if he didn't. "We can stay in the vortex until you feel better."

"It's alright honey, let me get a little rest, I'll join you next time."

He nodded, but made no move to take the Tardis out of the vortex.

"Honey?"

"I'd rather wait a while too." Clara feigned a yawn.

The Doctor smiled at Clara, relieved. "Yes! Let's all get some rest!" He said pulling River up to a standing position. River quickly switched Amelia into a carrying hold, and let her arm side to Jonothon's hand.

Jonothon let himself be pulled up along with his mother, and deftly caught the tray with his other hand, only one saltine fell to the floor.

River smiled. Jonothon got that from her, the reflexes and agility.

The Doctor looked proud as well. That was already better than human reflexes. Then he looked at his wife. "I'm sure the Tardis has made a place for all of you." Looking down at his son, he grinned, "Want to help me find it?"

Jonothon smiled back tentatively. "Sure."

"Well, then, come with me!" The Doctor grinned and offered his hand.

Jonothon grinned back and took his father's hand, letting go of his mother's. The tray forgotten, clattered to the floor, spilling the cheese and saltines. The Tardis quickly reacted to the mess by opening up a disposal hatch for the food. The tray remained on the floor.

River felt a flash of hurt. Not jealousy, but loss. Would her husband draw her sweet little boy into his madness, or would Jonothon be able to balance both worlds? She got her answer when Jonothon looked back and stopped. "Mum?"

River smiled. "It's okay dear. Your father just wants you to have some fun with him. I'm right behind you."

Jonothon looked relieved, then smiled back at his father. The Doctor then pulled Jonothon up on his back and raced up the stairs with a whoop. Jonothon laughed and held on tight to his father's shoulders.

River followed more slowly, still feeling the effects of the exhaustion, and dizziness from the Doctor's remedy. The nutrient part had been enough to draw the hunger down to tolerable levels though.

Clara looked at River. "I can carry her"

"Okay, that would be good."

"I can cook too, want me to make you something?"

"Maybe in the morning." River smiled as she handed Amelia to the younger woman. Amelia fussed a bit, but as soon as Clara turned her so she could see River she calmed.

"That thing the Doctor gave me was enough to stop the hunger. I'm just really tired now."

They climbed the stairs.

"I didn't sleep with him." Clara blurted out.

"It wouldn't have been your fault if you had." River said tiredly. "I'm not going to judge you for being attracted to a man like my husband. He's charmed a lot of woman in his history, including me."

"But you're the one he married. Why?"

River shrugged. "Don't know why it was me over all the others. You could ask him." River replied with a hint of a smirk. "In fact, why don't you? Do it when we are all eating breakfast." Her eyes danced with mischief.

"Should I ask it in the most uncomfortable way possible?" Clara felt herself drawn into this plan of female vengeance.

"Oh yes. I'll be looking forward to it." River chuckled wickedly.

"Mum, happy!" Amelia wiggled in Clara's arms with a giggle and reached for her mother.

River let her face drop in close to her daughter's and smiled, "Yes, mum is happy."

Amelia patted her mother's cheeks and obligingly River puffed out them out and crossed her eyes. Amelia shrieked with laughter, and bounced so hard in Clara's arms that she could barely hold onto the toddler.

"I'll take her now." River held out her arms and before Clara could hand the child over, Amelia leapt from them into her mother's arms.

"Just like her mother" The Doctor laughed, rounding the corner.

Clara looked confused.

River smiled tolerantly as Amelia began pulling herself up toward her mother's shoulders, with both arms and legs. "He's talking about my habit of jumping off things when I know I can safely land somewhere."

"Four times into the Tardis."

"Hush, it was only three times." She winked.

The Doctor laughed. "Just seeing if you were paying attention."

"Good night." Clara decided now was the time to make her exit, it was becoming too flirty between the Doctor and his wife, making her uncomfortable.

"Good night. Glad the Doctor finally has someone traveling with him that likes to cook."

"Yes." Clara paused. "What would you like for breakfast, then?"

"Oh nothing fancy for me, oatmeal and toast is my usual. But whatever you want to make is fine." River replied.

Clara nodded. "And the children?"

"The same, if we can get Amelia to eat it now. She's already addicted to sweet things since Jonothon shared some chocolate with her last week."

"I still have jammie dodgers." the Doctor said.

River sighed. "She'll probably love them as much as you."

The Doctor's eyes lit up with joy. And he picked up his daughter and gently whirled her around, Amelia leaned back in her father's arms and shrieked with laughter.

Clara made her exit from the family scene, knowing the Doctor's attention would be centered there, not with her.

River shook her head with a slight smile, Amelia was definitely her father's daughter. Funny, she didn't feel a sense of loss about that. But then she'd always known Amelia would be her daddy's little girl, hadn't she?

She just wished the meeting wouldn't have happened so close to what was coming. She felt Trenzalore hanging over all of them. The shadow of it could not be dismissed. They would all make it through, the Doctor, the children and herself, she felt it as a certainty, but the 11th would fall.

She hated her children would see that, and what the legends told her would come right after, before things were fixed right. That would be her burden, to fix it aright. The children will be damaged by what they will see their father do to others. She wanted to avoid that, let it be just her. But anyone on the Tardis now would be going to Trenzalore, she felt it.

Then her heart sank when she suddenly realized Clara would not make it away from Trenzalore. Trenzalore would be Clara's end. She was connected in some way to whatever was drawing them to Trenzalore, and likely didn't even know it. Did the Doctor know? Could she ask?

She felt the fixed point around it, it couldn't be changed. Nothing at Trenzalore could. No, she wouldn't say it. Saying it might trigger a further darkness in her husband. She shut the thought away, and brought herself back to watching her husband and daughter play.

The Doctor saw the look on River's face and teased "You look jealous, you want me to swing you around too?"

River laughed, "Is that a new game for us to play?" She let a hint of suggestion drop into her reply.

He blushed, but grinned. She'd forgiven him! He vowed he'd never hurt her like that again. He'd let River go whenever she needed to go, no questions asked. He'd always tell a companion he was married, straight off, before any mistakes were made. Better yet, maybe he could work on convincing River to stay with the children. Maybe he'd be better if they were around. He stopped whirling Amelia around. "Okay, little Amelia, time for you and mum to go to bed."

"No." Amelia pouted.

River chuckled. "That started about a week ago."

"What?"

"No becoming her favorite word, and the pouting."

The Doctor sighed. "Well, your brother is already in bed, don't you want to be like him?" He addressed his daughter with mock solemnity.

River gave him points on that, he must have guessed Amelia would want to do anything her brother did.

"No." But this time Amelia wasn't pouting, and soon she giggled.

River and the Doctor exchanged a knowing look as they walked to the children's bedroom.

The Doctor set his daughter down on her little bed, it faced her older brother's bed so that the two beds made an L shape. Jonothon was looking at a children's book. River realized the text was in Old High Gallifreyan. She looked surprised as a forgotten memory popped into her conscious mind. She remembered reading the same story while she was still at Graystark. It was how she first learned the language.

"Are you okay?" The Doctor asked.

"Sorry, honey, just remembering something from my childhood."

The Doctor grimaced. That would have had to be Graystark. What a stupid mistake he'd made handing his son that book. He had children's picture books in Galactic English in the closet too. He should have given him one of those. He had those from his fourth self, when he became fascinated by anything to do with childhood, especially human childhoods.

River touched his arm. "it's fine. It's a nice story." Then she laughed. "I bet it won't just 'hello sweetie' that you'll be seeing before long at various places."

He grinned.

Amelia had dropped down from her bed and was trying to heave herself up onto her older brother's higher bed. "Want book!" she shouted.

Jonothon held the book where she could reach it. Amelia grinned and clutched the book to her chest "Book!"

The Doctor walked over and picked her up, then bending down let her fall a short distance onto her bed. Amelia dropped the book from her hands, and squealed with delight at the new game. She threw her arms up and shouted "Again!"

River quickly retrieved the book from the bed as the Doctor obeyed his little girl. She looked over at Jonothon and saw the warring desire to be a "big boy" and wanting the same thing. River smiled, and left the book on a child sized bookcase. She walked over and quickly lifted Jonothon to chest level, then let him fall back onto the bed.

"Mum." he grinned up at her.

She laughed. "Sorry, I don't have any more energy in me tonight. But I'm sure your father does, go on, ask him."

The Doctor strode over, and picked up his son and let him hang upside down. Jonothon began to laugh as excitedly as his little sister was. Amelia was now bouncing on the bed and shouting "Me too!"

River started over to Amelia's bed, but the Doctor shook his head. "I can handle them both. Go on to bed." He pointed through a doorway to the bedroom River recognized as the one they had shared when she stayed on the Tardis after their marriage.

She nodded, and making a resolve to put aside most of her hurt feelings over the past, walked into the room. She was happy to find all her old nighties were still neatly folded in the draw she had kept them in. She sorted through them and found one that didn't look so sexy. The healing was too fresh right now, she was attracted as always, but needed a bit more time before she could be like before. Back when she shared this room before Manhattan, she liked looking as sexy and glamorous as possible. Now warm and comfortable sounded better. As soon as she took a shower.

The shower made her drowsy. She pulled on a knee length flannel gown that only slightly emphasized her breasts and climbed into bed. The Doctor was still playing with the children but it sounded like something quieter now, some kind of singing game- he'd sing something and then pause and the children shouted something, then he'd sing again. She drifted off to sleep with those sounds in her ears.

Some time later she awoke as he sat down on the bed. "Finally got them both to sleep." He chuckled.

"They wear you out, honey?"

"No, but I'm content to just lay here with you now."

River smiled, for him, that meant he was tired.

As he joined her under the covers his hand accidentally brushed her hip. "Sorry." He jerked his hand away.

"It's okay, honey. We are married after all."

"But I-"

"Hush now, I forgive you. Let's both get some rest. Consider this a fresh start for both of us." She knew she'd have to say this again after Trenzalore for far worse things. This was just between them, not universe size crimes. Better to go to Trenzalore with all the past damage forgiven. As scared as she was about Trenzalore, maybe there was a good reason that both she and the children were here. The children would keep the drift into darkness from becoming a plunge. And just maybe she helped too. He seemed lighter now than the man she saw earlier downstairs.

He fumbled around then, and after finding her hand, clasped it. She gave him a reassuring squeeze back.

She awoke hours later to hear his breathing had drifted into sleep mode. You need this too, my love. How long have you run from sleep this time, I wonder.

His breathing changed a bit, faster, and he moved a bit. She looked sad. So much for his getting rest. She knew his nightmare signs. He began to moan, then mumble. Then the words got clear "No, don't, you can't…River!" He gasped awake.

"Shh, my love, I'm here." She pulled him back down and put her arms around him.

"River." His voice was tight with anguish and he convulsively pulled her close.

"I know, I know." Her voice was gentle. "You had that nightmare about me again. But I've heard you say you saved me too, in your sleep, so it's okay, right?"

"I'm afraid River."

"I know, I am too. Not of your dream, but of other things. I'm afraid for you most of all."

"Trenzalore." His voice was dull.

"Yes."

"I can't stop it, just run as long as I can."

"Yes."

"You feel it too, right? It's coming closer."

"I know."

"Maybe the Silence had the right idea. Not using you. But something ending me before Trenzalore. Think about how much better things would be! Your parents would be living in the 21st century, you could see them any time-"

"Hush. I wouldn't have Amelia then. Jonothon would grow up never knowing his father. Who knows, it might have created a paradox and wiped out everyone."

He nodded, accepting the logic. "But what about now? If I ended it now, then you'd still have Jonothon and Amelia, but that monster inside me would never get out. You can fly the Tardis, better than me." He laughed bitterly. "There, I've finally admitted it. The Tardis is yours."

"No, it isn't, it's yours. And no, don't kill yourself. I'm afraid if you tried, it would just make Trenzalore happen right away. Plus, my argument still stands about the paradox. And," her hand reached up and stroked his face "I want to keep seeing this face of yours as long as I can."

"Even though-"

"Yes. What did I tell you on top of the Pyramid, right before you married me?"

"I love you too, wife. Always will. All of you Ponds, but especially you. Your mother was in my heart because she was the first person I saw with this face. But you, you-" He could say no more, afraid to speak of the Library aloud, then he remembered all the times she had given and given for him in this face, even when he had treated her terribly, telling her he didn't trust her then leering at her and calling her a bad girl, barely holding back the lust that was urging him to act on what he wanted already. She was just flirting but he was acting like, like a twelve year old, just like she'd called him in Manhattan. "How can you stand me, River, you know what I really am."

"And I can love that too, most of the time." She moved up and gave him a light kiss on the lips."

"But how? Why?"

"I just do. Always have. Even as a child, when they were brainwashing me, trying to turn me into the assassin they wanted, part of me rebelled. Somehow even at four years old I knew something wasn't right. Even as crazy Mels, I dreamed of being with you, like this. At Luna University I embraced that whole-heartedly. The more I read, the more I fell in love with you. I was determined I would be your wife, not your killer. Then when you married me I was willing to do anything for you, be the River Song you told me you loved in Berlin."

"I don't want to hurt you, I'm afraid of Trenzalore, how this monster inside me can hurt you even as I love you."

"I know. Remember what you told me in Utah, the first time? You are always and completely forgiven. I mean it as much as you did."

He swallowed, overwhelmed with emotion. "River."

"Yes?"

"Please help me."

"Always."

When she opened her eyes, he was looking down at her, a smile on his face, and a hint of desire in his eyes. "Good morning, wife."

"Good morning, husband." It made her feel happy to see that combination of expressions on his face. It had been a long time. She suspected a very long time for him.

Before they could say anything else, there was a soft thump and then a baby wail next door.

"Amelia!" they both said aloud. The Doctor leapt up, anxiety on his face. His daughter was hurt, he looked anxiously back at River. Her expression was calmer. "I think Amelia probably just rolled off the bed in her sleep. She's very active, even in her sleep." They opened the adjoining door and saw the toddler sitting on the floor wailing away.

"She fell off the bed, again." Jonothon confirmed.

"Again?" The Doctor looked at Jonothon.

As River picked up the baby she said, "You mean like at home, right? Not here."

"Yeah. She's okay, mum?"

"Yes" River cuddled her calming daughter. Little Amelia had one hand tightly clutching the collar of her mother's nightgown, the other a strand of her hair.

"She does that a lot" The Doctor commented.

"What? Oh, you mean the thing with my hair?"

"Yes."

River smiled, "Watch, she'll put it in her mouth."

Just as River stated, the hand with the hair strand went into Amelia's mouth. River shifted the baby's position so it didn't pull on her hair.

"River, what do you do at your home?"

"Oh, like here, let her gum on it a bit, then distract her with something." River picked up the book Jonothon had been reading last night.

Amelia's hand came out of her mouth and she reached with both hands for the book with a bright smile. "Book!"

"No, I meant about the falling out of bed."

"Oh" She said as she sat down on the toddler's bed with her daughter in her lap, while she turned the pages to occupy the baby. "Her bed at home is lot lower. Even when she rolls off that she usually cries, I think because it startles her awake. It's quite a bit narrower than this. I thought this would be too wide for her to roll off or I would have said something last night. She's not hurt though, honey, so don't feel guilty. I know of a solution. I had something like it at home, left over from when she was in a crib."

River laid down the book and handed her daughter to the Doctor. The baby fussed and reached back for the book, but when the Doctor took her in his arms Amelia smiled and reached for his red braces.

"Yes, they are red, just like your hair."

Amelia babbled something then giggled.

"No, they are something I wear, not a toy to play with. They don't look silly, they look cool."

River shook her head with a smile as she walked back into the Doctor's bedroom and typed a few instructions into the small backup connection he had to the Tardis there. Almost immediately the bed dropped significantly lower to the floor and a low bumper pad ringed all the edges of the mattress.

"That should work." She said, retuning to the children's room. "It's low enough she can climb over it to get in, but high enough that when she bumps it, it will keep her in bed."

"Mum?"

"Yes Jonothon?"

"Can you change my bed too? I want it like the one at home."

"Alright." That was an even more minor thing. Just a change in color scheme. Personally, she hated the color combination, but maybe her son's lack of taste was something he got from his father, she smirked. Soon Jonothon had his bright orange and green color scheme again.

"Thanks Mum!"

"Thank the Tardis too." She said walking back into the room.

"How do I do that mum?"

"Just say it to the air."

"Thank you, Tardis" He obediently looked into the air.

The Tardis made a happy humming noise.

The Doctor smiled. His Tardis loved the children too.

River stopped short in surprise as they walked into the kitchen. She'd never seen so much cooked food on that table before.

"Wow!" Jonothon exclaimed, his eyes wide in wonder.

"Clara likes to cook." The Doctor smiled.

River felt a tinge of envy, she was strictly average as a cook, and it was a chore not a pleasure. Still, she was better than her mother, about all you could say of Amy's attempts was that it was always edible. But she'd never be someone that could lay out a table like that. It wouldn't hurt to tease the Doctor a bit though. "So that's why you aren't skinny anymore. I think Clara needs to regulate your intake a bit before you need a diet." River winked at Clara to let her know it was time to begin their little campaign.

Clara smirked back. "Yeah, Doctor. Is that why you stopped wearing the waistcoat?"

The Doctor groaned inwardly. They were ganging up on him.

The children caught onto the playful tone and giggled.

The Tardis had accommodated the children in the kitchen as well. There was a high chair for Amelia and a youth chair for Jonothon. Jonothon climbed the ladder like chair and sat down.

The Doctor, who had carried Amelia to the Kitchen, sat his daughter down in the high chair. Then he immediately offered her a small pastry roll. Amelia grabbed it and immediately tried to stick the whole roll in her mouth. Thankfully the roll was too big, it broke and smeared on her face, most of it falling onto the tray in pieces.

"Honey, break it in pieces for her first."

"Right." He flushed with embarrassment.

River resigned herself to the fact the Doctor would spoil their daughter by giving her anything she wanted, including a diet of sweet pastries and chocolate.

Not that Jonothon was staying away from temptation either. His plate was all pastries as well. Well, he was a child. She'd let the children indulge here, within limits.

"So, Doctor, what made you choose to marry Professor Song out of all the women you've known?" Clara stated with a pseudo innocent look.

The Doctor sputtered "What do you mean?"

"Oh I think she means of all the women you've lead on, honey." River looked at him mischievously.

"Lead on?" The Doctor looked confused.

"Oh, you know, made them think they were special, unique…"

"But they all were." The Doctor protested "And so are you." He looked nervously from River to Clara.

"I'm sure we all have been, the few men you've told that to as well."

"Yes, like your father Rory." The Doctor nodded.

"Yet you would have let him die alone without my mother. Sounds like she was a bit more special that my father to you." River couldn't help the angry edge to her tone, she took a deep breath, ashamed her pain leaked out, this was just meant to be a bit of fun female payback between Clara and herself against the Doctor. Clara looked shocked at this revelation, she hadn't known the Doctor was that kind of person.

"Your mother was special, she was the first person I saw with this face-" The Doctor looked at River pleadingly. He had thought this was some kind of mischief between River and Clara against him, but now it didn't seem that was the case. Clara seemed to be playing just that kind of game, but River, was this about what happened to her parents? Was this her grief over her parents finally coming out?

"But Doctor, you still aren't answering the question, why was it Professor Song that you married? What made you pick her?"

"Time was collapsing, I had to marry her."

River closed her eyes in pain. Did he even realize how that sounded? He had to marry her?

"No, Doctor, I can see that's not the truth, and I wasn't even there. Look at your wife, think about what you just said and look at her face."

River shook her head no as Clara pushed the point.

The Doctor stared at River, looked at the stoic stare she gave back. He swallowed and looked ashamed. "I'm sorry, River."

"So why, Doctor?" Clara pushed.

He glared at Clara. "That's between River and me!" He roared, feeling cornered.

"I give permission, my love." River looked at him with unguarded love on her face.

He gulped, overwhelmed, it was just like on the pyramid, when she looked at him that way… "Because when she told me how much she loved me, I knew… I loved her just as much." He blushed bright red from the blatant admission.

River flung her arms around him and unabashedly gave him an intensely passionate kiss. After a second of wide eyed surprise the Doctor's arms pulled River into his lap and responded with equal enthusiasm.

"Kiss!" Amelia squealed happily.

When they broke the kiss River stayed in his lap, much to the Doctor's relief. He blushed anew at his actions and the physical response that he'd rather only River knew about.

"Down boy" River whispered naughtily in his ear.

The Doctor's blush got brighter.

River smiled at the children. Amelia was giggling and bouncing in the high chair, and Jonothon looked happy and relieved.

This was the happiest he ever remembered seeing his mother. His father's face looked less shadowed as well. He seemed way less scary than the man he'd first seen in person last night. He wasn't angry or worse, shouting, now.

The Doctor reached over and ruffled his son's hair.

Clara sighed, she felt like she was intruding again. "I'll clear this all away now."

"Thank you." River looked Clara straight in the eyes and clasp her hand warmly. "I'll help you." She slid off her husband's lap and started taking up plates.

"I can help too." The Doctor offered.

"We're fine, honey. I'm sure the children would like a tour of your home. " River gave her husband a bright smile.

He was a bit disappointed at the ending of the moment between River and himself, but yes, he could impress his children with all the wonders of the Tardis! With a big grin he jumped up and swooped both children into his arms. Amelia shrieked with delight and even Jonothon laughed, startled but happy. A child in each arm he ran out of the kitchen.

River watched the scene with an indulgent smile on her face. She hadn't felt so happy in a long time.

"Professor Song, when I heard what you said and saw your face. I had to do that."

"Please, call me River. And again, thank you. I don't know if the Doctor and I could have ever reached this point alone. I just wanted to hide from it and so did he."

"You might have been hiding from it, but you still were able to cope. The Doctor's not been coping with it. He does need you."

"I know, and I'm here now. I'll do what I can." Then with a resolve, she decided to let Clara know, not her fate, but something about where they were going and why the Doctor wasn't going to stay as happy as he was at this moment. Better she knew. "Clara, I'm going to tell you something the Doctor has probably been hiding from you, because he is hiding from it himself."

"What?"

River took a deep breath. "I knew about this before the Doctor and I married. There is a place called Trenzalore. The Doctor, and I as well, have been running from it for a long time."

"Trenzalore?"

"The Doctor has a great darkness inside him. I don't know if it's because he usually suppresses it, and because he's been doing this for over a thousand years, that it's become this thing inside him, or if it was always meant to be. But his 11th regeneration will not end well or finish, and he'll lose control of that monster inside him. That next version of the Doctor will do many truly evil things, and this Doctor will not be able to control it."

Clara's eyes widened with fear. What had she got herself into?

"You see why we've been running from Trenzalore?" River looked at the younger woman, letting the weight of the knowledge show through.

"Will something end this?"

"Me. I don't know how, but I will. There were legends about this even before I was born."

"How could you marry him, have children by him, knowing this?" Clara stunned. How could this woman do that when she knew this?

"Because I loved him, always have, always will." River smiled confidently.

"And he loves you."

"Yes."

"How can you stand having such a burden?" Clara knew she could never have done such a thing, never been able to stand knowing such a terrible thing.

"Sometimes I can't. I cry, get depressed, rage against the universe. But I always come back to this is something that must be done, and done by me. Somehow the universe believes in me, that I'm that strong. I don't feel that strong or stable, but the universe says I am." River shook her head in disbelief, how could it be her, she felt so far from the woman in the legends. That great heroine who saves the Doctor.

"River, I've only known you a day, and if anyone will be, I can tell it's you." Clara was certain. This woman had endured much, she knew only a few things and was already in awe of this woman's strength.

River smiled. "Thank you. Who knew, the girl who was once called a psychopath, a war criminal, a weapon, would be the one who saves the Doctor."

"Saves all space and time, wife. Many times." The Doctor said, walking back into the kitchen with the children.

River and Clara turnned around abruptly, startled, with guilty expressions.

The Doctor let go of the children, both ran to River and pulled her toward their father.

"They wanted their mother along too. Wanted to hear what their mother knew about their father's home. I told them the Tardis calls you her child, so they are her grandchildren. They told me you should be here too." He smiled and tapped her nose. "So come along, wife!" Then he turned to Clara. "You too, Clara! You've been adopted into this strange family of ours."

"Yes, you have." River smiled and took Clara's hand.


	2. Chapter 2

I Was Born Just To Get To You

Chapter 2

Approximately three months later

"You'll never lose that Earth accent" He laughed

"Who says I want to" She smirked back at him. She wasn't ashamed of what she was. Still, she was proud that her son had quickly become a fluent speaker of Old High Gallifreyan. He could read and write the language as well as her. Jonothon had now moved onward to Later Gallifreyan. He found the complexity of the language difficult, but so had she. It'd taken her almost a year to grasp the basics of reading and writing it, and that was as far as she got before she married the Doctor. The Doctor had taught her to be a fluent speaker, but as he teased, she spoke it with a decided accent. Amelia was learning to speak them as well, and now her toddler phrases tended to mix the languages- Gallifrenglish as the Doctor called it.

"Our daughter is creating a new language." He grinned.

River mostly left the language lessons to the Doctor and would go to find Clara. It gave the Doctor a chance to spend time with their young children alone. River would then land the Tardis and take Clara along on things the Doctor would deem "boring'. River felt it kept her mind sharp to spend time doing Archeological field work. She would focus on field research that had nothing to do with the Doctor. Most of her post-doctoral archeological work had little to nothing to do with the Doctor. There was no need to research her husband when she only had to either ask the Tardis or on occasion, her husband. She found it more rewarding to research some little anomaly across time and space. The Doctor would sometimes claim that he was the cause of the anomaly, especially if River was enthusiastic about it. River had come to suspect the Doctor was more motivated by envy than fact…

River was relieved Clara was content to tag along on these outings. It was nice having company and it was like being still being a professor- pointing out details and explaining how other cultures adapted things across time and space.

Only once did they have the Doctor's luck, running back to the Tardis and quickly jumping back into the vortex. To River's embarrassment that time had been her fault. She had temporarily forgotten a rule for off world visitors. No off-worlders could speak aloud their own translations of the ancient texts on the ruins' walls. Clara had asked what was written on a wall, and unthinking, River immediately translated it. The native born leader of a nearby tourist group began to scream at them and chased them out of the ruins, which lead to the local authorities chasing her and Clara back to the Tardis.

"Well Clara, I just got us banned from visiting those ruins again." River clapped her hand to her forehead at her idiocy.

Clara started laughing, and River helplessly joined in.

River knew Clara was annoyed when the Doctor would put his total focus on the children, especially for things Gallifreyan. Like most people who were not at least part time lord, Clara had no ability to speak the language, found it incomprehensible, especially later Gallifreyan. River had taught her to read and write some basic Old High Gallifreyan, but that was as much as Clara could grasp.

"The Doctor believes that there is something in time lord DNA that makes Later Gallifreyan fully comprehensible. Because I'm only around half time lord Later Gallifreyan comes less naturally to me than Old High Gallifreyan. Old High Gallifreyan is essentially just a refined version of the written language of the lower classes, who tended to be far less skilled in telepathy."

"It's so annoying that he can hold that over me."

River rolls her eyes. "I'm used to him showing off when he can do something better than me. He does that to any intelligent person, and not just women. In fact, he's worse with men, in some ways."

"Really?"

"He may not be human, but he still has a male ego." River laughed.

Something all three adults participated in, was storytelling for the children. Most the time Clara would just listen to River or the Doctor as she wasn't as successful at engaging the children's interest.

River was sympathic, "Time lord children are a bit different from human children."

Clara shrugged, "I think you're just better at it, and the Doctor is kind of a kid anyway."

"Yes he is." The Doctor was an extremely physically interactive storyteller. The children loved it but it tended to make them more wound up afterwards than they were before, which led to more stories. It was basically a process of exhausting them into falling asleep.

On the other hand, River was interactive with the children but verbally, with gentle, soothing touches and hugs when she got to the scary parts of the stories. It had the effect of quickly lulling them to sleep, with a feeling of warmth and safety. She and Clara often exchanged amused expressions when the Doctor would get a drowsy smile on his face listening to River's stories.

The first time River told the children a story on the Tardis, the Doctor started to slip out of the room, but felt drawn back by the way she was telling the story…

"Mum, tell us a story about Nana and Grandfather." Jonothon begged.

"Story!" Amelia insisted.

"Okay. I'll tell you one that doesn't just have them, but your father and me. The story is about when the Pandorica opened…"

By the end of the story Amelia was fast asleep, one hand still clutching the fuzzy toy the Doctor had given her. Jonothon was sleepy eyed, but still had questions, "Mum, why did they want to put daddy in the Pandorica?"

"I promise I'll tell you that story another time."

"Did you really start time over?"

"Yes."

"Was daddy really asking you to marry him?"

River's eyes danced with mischief, "Well, why don't you ask him?"

"Of course I was" The Doctor smirked, ruffling his son's hair, then leaning over and giving River a soft kiss.

"Rule number one" she whispered in his ear, "Not that I mind this time."

"Who says it was? I may not have known you that well yet, but I felt intensely drawn to you already. Subconsciously, it was a proposal." He smiled.

"Charming me again, aren't you?"

"Yes wife, I am." He laughed.

They had either been lucky, or he less reckless, but when he begged everyone to come along, they rarely ended up running from their lives. There had been that one run in with a Dalek, but it when it saw River, it squawked and immediately turned tail before it even noticed she wasn't carrying her Alpha Meson blaster.

"Well, it appears their records on me are still intact" River smirked.

The Doctor's laugh had an edge of madness, River was disturbed by the unstable look on his face, and the way his hand was twitching on his sonic screwdriver. "Should have had your gun, River." The gleam in his eyes was teetering dangerously toward psychosis.

"I didn't need it at the University or at home. I got used to not having weapons at hand." She said in a calm tone.

"Should have had it in Manhattan-"He growled.

"I wish I had, many times. I wonder if-"She felt the grief well up.

"Fixed point, wife. I've come to accept it." His eyes were hooded with suppressed grief and anger.

"I know, me too." Then she realized what the Doctor had meant about the gun- the blaster might have taken out some of those weeping angels… her hearts ached with sadness, his psychosis was becoming more overt. She took his free hand and began to stroke it soothingly. Somehow it felt right to do this almost instinctual act.

He shuddered, then relaxed, his expression returning to sanity. His hand turned and clasped hers, fingers intertwining. She'd brought him back from the madness again. "Thank you." He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

She smiled and let a hint of desire show.

He grinned back and made no effort to hide the lust in his eyes.

They retired to their bedroom as soon as they returned to the Tardis, while the children played in their room.

The past three months had gone surprisingly well, River reflected, despite the Doctor's difficulties. She hadn't been drawn into his madness like she feared. Instead, rather than be drawn into his madness, her presence and the children's had brought him a measure of not just happiness, but stability. His descent into his inner darkness hadn't merely slowed, but had actually been pushed back slightly. She believed it was the children's presence, but he told her otherwise.

"No, it's you." He said firmly.

"Me? I'm as mad as you."

"No, you're not. I don't know who told you that you were a psychopath as a child, but you aren't. Kovarian tried to make you into one, but she failed spectacularly, River."

"You think so? Even with what happened in Berlin and Area 52?"

"Like I said, she tried to turn you into a psychopath, but failed spectacularly. What happened in Berlin is absolute proof of that. You broke the brainwashing and gave me all of your regenerative energy- out of your love for me. That might be madness, but it's not psychopathic. Same goes for Area 52- your insane little stopgap measure. That wasn't heartless psychopathy at all. Those words you said to me on top of that pyramid... It overwhelmed me, and I can't stop craving your love. I fear hurting you most of all, because you love so fully. You have so much love inside you. I'm glad you have the children, the more people you can love the stronger you are."

"The less mad?"

"Yes" he grinned at her, "that too. Look how quickly you 'adopted' even Clara. You never expressed jealousy toward her; you directed your hurt feelings exactly to who you should have- me. I did wrong you, again. But you forgave me for hurting you. I would have been lost inside if you hadn't."

"I know, that's why I could. I can't bear to hurt you."

"Even when I deserve it."

"Hush, I won't let you go down that path."

"You see, that's why I know it's you that's done this for me. You've bought me some time, time that I cherish more than anything."

"Oh, if I had only stayed with you!"

"You stayed too long for your own good. I was not fit for anyone's company and amply proved it by hurting you. I'm scared about sinking into that state again once Trenzalore gets close. I know I will. Promise me you'll go away before I get to that point. I know we'll be at Trenzalore together and you see this thing inside me uncontrolled, but don't stay once you can't help anymore. Leave before that."

"Oh my love, to abandon you then…"

"Please, River, promise me you'll go. If you can't see doing it for yourself, do it for our children. I don't want them to see a near complete monster that still looks like the father they know."

"Okay… I promise." Tears threatened to fall from her eyes, her hand moved to roughly wipe them away, but the Doctor stilled her hand and gently kissed each eyelid.

"Thank you" he said softly.

River leaned against him and his arms encircled her. They stood like that in their bedroom for several minutes. Then she asked, "But what about Clara?"

The Doctor sighed. "She'll be gone again when it happens. I feel it."

"Gone again?"

"You haven't seen it happen. There's something strange that happens to Clara."

"Strange? In what way?"

"She dies, then comes back."

"Do you mean like a time lord?"

"No."

"Like Harkness?"

"No, and how do you know about him?"

"Archeologist here, remember?"

"You don't know him, personally?"

River felt the hint of jealousy coming from her husband. That made her believe the more salacious stories she had read about the infamous Captain Jack Harkness- the "Casanova of space and time". Of course, the Doctor was described a similar way in a story she had come across. She had been a newlywed at the time, and it had caused her several nights of intense jealous anxiety… After she knew her husband better, she could dismiss the story as just someone's silly vicarious fantasy. What had happened with Clara proved that point, even that had never gone beyond not mentioning his marital status and stupidly preening over her attraction. River had forgiven him because he'd actually seen the damage he'd done and regretted it. He was no Casanova, just an idiot. "Never met Harkness, just heard of him."

"Good."

If the Doctor had been in less fragile a state she might have teased him about the jealousy. Now wasn't the time for a little petty payback though. She forgave him, she wasn't a saint. She smirked inwardly, then shunted the childish feelings aside. Besides, she needed to know what the Doctor knew about this problem of Clara's. "Never mind about Harkness, tell me more about Clara's dying and coming back."

"It's just that. She dies, literally. That body doesn't come back. A new Clara just shows up."

"Ganger?"

"No. The dead body doesn't fall apart."

"Hybrid of some sort?"

"No, the Tardis could pick that up, and it's a different body, besides."

"Clone?"

"Maybe. Not sure. Something like that, I guess."

"A construct of some sort then."

"Yes."

"So who is doing this to her, and why?"

"The why is the easy part, to get to me. The who is the part I can't figure out. They are covering their tracks too well. They know my ways and know how to hide from me."

"They may not know my ways though."

"What makes you think that?"

"They misjudged my actions. I bet they are the ones that drove me to you, with the children."

"They must have thought you would react in jealous anger, and leave with the children, causing me to go more unstable… Oh wife, you are so amazing!" He grinned and spontaneously embraced her.

"Thank you, husband." She looked at him flirtatiously. Then, her expression changed to thoughtful. "Next time, Clara won't show up in her new body right away?"

"Yeah, they did that the last time she 'died'. After the first few times she showed up straight away in a different body, I stopped reacting the way I think they wanted. Instead of blaming myself anymore, I was focused on figuring out what was going on."

"What did they do?"

"I don't think it was the mastermind, but someone allied. They kidnapped Clara, and I had to find her and rescue her."

"They do know you far too well. Whoever it is, they are dangerous."

"Not just to me, to you and the children as well. They don't seem to want us dead, but want to inflict plenty of mental pain."

"Do you think there is an original Clara still alive somewhere?"

"I don't know. That's what is so frustrating!"

"Yes. Well, like I said, they don't appear to know me that well. I'll do my own researching."

"Thank you. I don't know how well I can anymore. I seem to be losing the ability…" He looked at River anxiously.

River stroked a hand against his arm tenderly, trying to give him reassurance. Inwardly she was filled with dread though. It was another sign Trenzalore was rapidly approaching. He would essentially start "falling apart". First, losing abilities that he had gained in past regenerations, then even his memories from those regenerations. Something would be literally pulling those past "selves" from him and taking those "partial Doctors" to Trenzalore. He, in his current form, would grow physically and psychologically weaker. As a result that dark self, locked inside him, would be able to exert even more control…

"River, I know what is happening. I think it will be soon… the time you and the children will have to leave."

She wanted to shake her head no, deny it for him, lie, but that would just upset him more. "I know." She agreed and gave him a gentle kiss.

He smiled at that. Then forcing a lighter tone he said, "I know something good about you that I bet you haven't guessed.." His eyes danced with a playful mischief.

She looked confused for a minute, then awareness hit her. "Oh…Again?" Her mouth quirked into a lopsided smile.

"Oh yeah, wife, you are pregnant again. The Tardis told me yesterday." He smirked arrogantly.

She swatted his arm, playfully. "And you held that from me until now? You are so shameful!"

"I am." He laughed.

"You so disprove that silly story about time lord sterility!"

"Do you know how that started?"

"No."

"There was this time lord long ago, he told that lie to a human woman he was involved with. He wasn't serious about her, but she was about him. She became pregnant. He even swore before a human court that the child couldn't be his, using that lie as his excuse. All that blather about curses and looms? Straight from his lies." The Doctor laughed.

"He lied about that in court?"

"Yeah. It happened when I was in the Academy. We heard all about it on Gallifrey, when the woman contacted our government. He stupidly didn't realize a 43rd century human woman on a space colony might just figure out how to contact Gallifrey, during the time period that he lived there."

"What did they do?"

"Brought the woman and her child to Gallifrey and forced the time lord to regenerate in punishment. Rassilon's punishments were severe."

"What happened to her and the child?"

"They were allowed to stay on Gallifrey. The daughter became a transport pilot. Eventually she and the mother left and went to live on the space colony you where you teach."

"Do you mean I might know the daughter?"

"In some capacity. Last I heard she was your current president."

"Really?"

"Really. She keeps the half time lord thing pretty private, just like you."

"She's a good president. I voted for her."

"Figured you would have."

"Are you friends with her?"

"Personally, no. But we've spoken and she knows I know about her parentage. You're the only person I've ever told this to."

"So her two children are…"

"One quarter time lord."

"So the hospital she goes to…"

"Would have a lot of the things necessary to treat any medical problems or procedures needed by people with time lord DNA."

"I would have gone there, but it's on the other side of the colony. I had one much closer, where both the children were born."

"When was Jonothon born in your time line?"

"Only a few months after I got out of Stormcage. Before I became a professor. I went to that colony because I heard there was an opening for a lecturer position in the Archeology department."

"So you were pregnant at Pandorica and Byzantium?"

She sighed, ashamed. "Yes, and Utah the second time. I was in complete denial about it. I kept making up excuses why I wasn't having my monthlies, and often feeling tired and ill. I hadn't gained any weight yet, and I wasn't sick regularly in the mornings, so I was able to delude myself."

"Self-preservation too, I bet."

"Yeah, subconsciously. I must have realized subconsciously, if the Clerics found out it could be very dangerous."

He nodded. "So when did you realize you were pregnant?"

"When I took the university required physical. They told me. Said not to worry, they could fix any problems caused by the lack of prenatal care…"

"Were there any problems?"

"With the baby, none, thank goodness! I was undernourished though; it was almost all going to the baby. Had to drink some disgusting nutritional boosters for a month! Ugh, made those 21st century energy bars taste great in comparison."

"What about the second time?"

"Oh, first monthly I missed I had a checkup. Found out I was pregnant and made sure I wouldn't have to drink that nasty mess again. Felt like I got as huge as a small moon! Made me wonder if the scans were missing something, were there twins in there? But nope, just one very healthy girl."

"When was she conceived?"

"After we lost my parents…"

"Manhattan."

"Yes."

"I figured as much. Wasn't sure about Jonothon."

"Had to have been the Winter Frost Faire."

He blushed lightly, remembering their naughty interlude in the woods…

She chuckled softly at his blush. "Thank you for that belated surprise birthday gift. One the three best gifts you've given me." She lightly touched her lower belly with a tender smile.

He kissed gently "Best gifts for me too."

River awoke first and watched the Doctor sleep, seemingly peacefully. He opened his eyes and smiled up at her,

"Good morning wife."

"Good morning husband"

He pulled her down into a kiss, and she began to moan and move against him under the covers.

"Oh my word!"

The Doctor and River jumped apart at the sudden exclamation, and turned to look at the intruder in their bedroom. They both gasped in shock. The Doctor recognized his Second self, and River knew it was a past face of the Doctor.

"I am terribly sorry; I've somehow ended up in the wrong Tardis. I don't quite know how though." The Second Doctor was half averting his eyes from the couple in the bed.

The Eleventh Doctor scratched his head in embarrassed confusion. River whispered in his ear "Oh my love, it's started, hasn't it?"

"Afraid so." He looked miserable. Then he looked at his Second self apologetically. "You aren't in the wrong Tardis, I'm you, I'm the 11th."

"And the lovely lady?"

River smiled. "I'm Professor River Song. We are married."

"Oh thank goodness. I was afraid I had become a rather decadent old man, sleeping with my companions."

"No, none of the companions." Eleven said reassuringly.

"What has happened to us? Two looked at Eleven.

"Not completely sure, but it has something to with Trenzalore…"

The Second Doctor gasped in shock and his eyes widened in fear. Then he looked at River. "My dear lady, you should flee to safety immediately."

River squeezed Eleven's hand in reassurance, then replied to Two "I know about Trenzalore. It's a fixed point for me to be there."

"She knows the truth?"

"Yes" Both Eleven and River said.

"How irresponsible."

"Fixed point." both River and Eleven stated firmly.

The Second Doctor snorted in disgust. "Since when did absolute obedience to fixed points become part of my nature?"

Eleven swallowed convulsively. "Ten." He croaked out as he squeezed River's hand tightly, horrible images of her tearful face in the Library flooding his mind. She squeezed back, thinking of Area 52.

"Why not run?"

"We have." Eleven said.

"Well, good to know I haven't become blindly obedient then. But still, you are giving up far too easily; can't they help on Gallifrey?"

Eleven's eyes filled with sorrow. "Gallifrey is no more."

"No more? What do you mean?"

"There was a Time War."

"Good lord." Two shuddered. "So it actually happened."

"Yes."

"When for us?"

"Between Eight and Nine."

"Between?"

"I did myself in as Eight at the end. I regenerated as Nine, and completed what had to be done. Time lock."

Two closed his eyes in pain. "I saw that too when I looked into the untempered schism. I didn't know when it would happen. It was all horrors and pain, so I ran and told no one what I had seen." He sighed, but then opened them thoughtfully. "Karn. Was Karn time locked?"

"No."

"Good. Then there are people that may be able to help pull us back together."

"I don't know. There are very few of them left, if they even agree to help. They may not have the numbers or power to pull you back inside me. Even if they can it's only a stop gap measure." Eleven said hopelessly.

"So you won't even try it?" The Second looked disgusted.

River gently kissed her husband on the cheek, then got out of bed and walked over to the Second Doctor. She looked him straight in the eyes, feeling odd to be looking at a Doctor who was exactly the same height. "He will go, he just has lost so much since he was you, and has run so long, please understand."

"I see why he married you, my dear." He smiled, and a hint of mischief was in his eyes, "and not just your nature."

River felt a throaty laugh bubbling out in spite of the dire situation. So the flirting wasn't just something recent. She glanced back to the bed and saw her husband shaking his head, but a hint of smile ghosted there, and a bit of possessiveness too as he rose from the bed. Her lips quirked, he was jealous of himself.

This was proven when he nodded toward their bathroom and said "Get dressed, wife." with a mock growl.

She laughed flirtatiously. "Yes, husband, you too."

While River was in the bathroom, the Second Doctor berated his Eleventh self. "How could you lay the weight of Trenzalore on her?"

"She knew about it before I married her. I held off as long as I could. But finally I couldn't say no anymore. She loved me despite everything, and I'd come to love her more than I ever had loved before."

"So she's the one?"

"Yes."

"Are there children yet?"

"Two, with a third on the way."

"You had children before Trenzalore? Do you know what that means?"

"Yes. And I'm hoping they won't see it. I told River once this started happening that I didn't want them to see me become that monster. She agreed for their sakes, to leave me and stay at a safe place until Trenzalore."

"I doubt if they'll be spared witnessing Trenzalore. If they find her, they'll find the children as well."

"I'm hoping she'll convince them to spare the children that nightmare."

"You know who is behind Trenzalore, don't you? He's tried similar things before."

Eleven nodded. "We can't be sure, but yes. But I feel about trying to spare them, like you do about going to Karn."

"Indeed. We must try."

When River and Eleven were dressed they went next door. They explained to Jonothon and Amelia who Two was.

"So my father used to be you?" Jonothon looked curious. "Mum showed us a sketch of you from her book."

"So Professor Song, how did you acquire a picture of me to sketch in your book?" Two questioned, with a smile.

"The Tardis taught me many things." River felt slightly uncomfortable with her lie of omission, but she hadn't told the children the darker parts of her childhood. That would come later, when they were old enough to better understand. The Tardis had showed her holographic images of the past Doctors, and she had made the sketches from that. She had first learned of the Doctor's different "guises" when at Graystark though…

Eleven knew what River was doing and why. He ran back to the aux monitor in the bedroom. He pressed a few buttons, and a holographic image of the Second appeared in children's room. He then strolled back into the children's room.

The Second nodded. "I see you've upgraded the quality. It was decidedly poor when I attempted to use it."

"52nd century human tech. You know how they love making films of their stories. It's holovid tech with a few tweaks. Far more interactive, for example."

Amelia was running back and forth between the holographic Second Doctor and the real version, then running behind Eleven, and peeking out around his legs with much toddler giggling.

River swung Amelia up in her arms then went into the other bedroom and shut off the holographic image. "We need to let Clara know what's going on" She said as she returned to the children's room."

"Clara?" The Second Doctor asked.

"Our companion" River stated.

Eleven smiled at the "our".

"A companion when you are so close to Trenzalore?"

River spoke again, "It couldn't be helped, she found the Tardis, and insisted on becoming a companion."

The Second's expression turned sharp. "She's a trap then. Meant to snare you toward Trenzalore."

Eleven nodded. He explained what had been happening with Clara and added, "If there is a real person being used against their will, as this snare-"

"You must rescue her, I agree. What a clever and ruthless mind must be behind this. How long since Clara's last 'death'?"

"Some months, neither my wife nor children have witnessed one."

"So you had been traveling alone without the lovely Professor Song or your children?"

"Yes." Eleven looked guilty.

Again, River stepped in to smooth over the situation. "The Doctor had become quite close to my parents, we lost them in a way that was like a death to us. Both the Doctor and I needed time to grieve by ourselves."

"Grief can indeed be devastating, one lashes out at those they love the most, at times. Yes, I understand. But it opened you up to walk right into the trap, and whoever set that trap knew it."

Both River and Eleven nodded.

"Well, what's done is done. Shall we go to the console and head to Karn now? I shall meet this companion of yours now, as well."

River nodded. "She's probably wondering what the delay is."

Indeed when they arrived in the console room Clara was pacing. Her pacing stopped abruptly when she saw another person in the group coming down the stairs.

"Clara, this is my Second self. Some kind of accident has happened and we are going to a place where it can be fixed."

"How?"

"Not sure how. But it has to be fixed."

Once they arrived at Karn everyone left the Tardis together. River felt a strong sense of dread. She felt she couldn't stay in the Tardis with the children, but felt no better being out of the Tardis with them as well.

There was an eerie quiet on Karn. Two and Eleven both assured the others this was normal but exchanged worried glances. It shouldn't be this quiet. A priestess should have greeted them by now, as well.

Clara was at the rear of the group. She was distracted by a sudden flash of light she saw out of the corner of her eye and strode off in that direction.

Eleven glanced back and saw Clara wandering off "Clara don't-"

Clara screamed and dropped from view as the hillside around her gave way. The Second Doctor shouted at the Eleventh as he started in that direction. "No, don't go yourself. Can't you feel it?"

River took hold of her husband's arm, holding him back.

"Let me look" the Second Doctor told his Eleventh self sternly. "It's a trap for you, it may not be for me."

The Eleven Doctor shook his head in disagreement, but let River hold him back. He watched helplessly as the Second looked over the new cliff side. He turned back to them. "It's a drop of 100 meters, and with how she landed, I'm afraid your companion has died again… there's no safe way to retrieve the body, I'm sorry."

Then abruptly the Second Doctor vanished. Eleven fell to his knees. "It's taken him to Trenzalore. I'll forget everything I learned from him soon. River, we have to leave now."

"The Priestesses? They can't help?"

"Dead, they have to be. Whoever is behind this knew I'd go to Karn…"

They quickly made their way back to the Tardis. Once safely in the vortex the Doctor began frantically typing in a destination. River quietly double checked the route. She knew how her husband was at times like these, when he was an emotional wreck but trying to hold it together.

"One group of people I trust, and who can keep the children safe."

"UNIT?" River knew the coordinates. "You trust them?"

"Just one part, but I know they hold loyalty to me above any Earth government. And I know of two in particular I can absolutely trust. I also trust the person that heads that section- the scientific research department."

"They are in the Tower of London?"

"Yes."

"So we are going to just land right there in their office?"

"Yes."

"Dear, I imagine they have quite a bit of security, even against you. Maybe landing nearby might be better?"

"If our situation was less dangerous, yes."

"We should give them some warning then."

"Number is there-" the Doctor pointed to a phone number that had appeared on the monitor.

River picked up the Tardis phone and dialed the number, then handed it to her husband. River took over flying the Tardis. She glanced at Jonothon and Amelia. Even Amelia had gone quiet, eyes wide with fear. River motioned them over to her and both were soon holding onto to her as tightly as they could. In between the necessary movements for flying the Tardis, she reached down and touched both of them reassuringly.

"Hello Kate, Yes, it's me, the Doctor!" He was forcing cheer into his voice, trying not to show the panicky fear inside. "Need to land the Tardis in your office, you don't mind, do you?" The Doctor smiled. "I'll explain in just a few" Another nod "Yes, after I land." After a polite goodbye he hung up with a sigh of relief.

"So you have official permission to land then?"

"Yes."

"Good. After what the children have already seen today, I'd rather not have them see hundreds of rifles pointed at us and them."

He nodded.

"So this Kate? Who is she?"

"Jealous, wife?" He teased and tapped her on the nose.

River shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"Kate Stewart, daughter of the Brigadier. I think you two will like each other."

"Hopefully, if she's going to be the person in charge of the group protecting our children. Who are the other two you mentioned?"

"Martha Jones and Mickey Smith, both used to be companions of mine for a short time."

"Oh yes, I know about them. So they joined UNIT?"

"Yes. Heard they married too."

"Any children?"

"Mickey and Martha? Don't know."

River rolled her eyes again. Typical, he hadn't kept up with them.

The Doctor stepped out the Tardis first. After giving Kate a warm hug he said "You probably guessed it's something I need your help on."

"I guessed yes."

The Doctor took a deep breath. "Kate, I need your help, this is very important. I have some people here that need UNIT's protection."

"What kind of protection?"

River stepped out of the Tardis with the children.

"This is my wife, Professor River Song, and our children Jonothon and Amelia."

Kate Stewart's eyes widened in surprise. "You have been keeping a mighty big secret there. I didn't even know you were married. So how long have you been keeping this wonderful secret?" Kate smiled warmly at River and the children.

The Doctor and River laughed. Then the Doctor explained. "Time isn't terribly linear for time travelers, especially time lords."

Kate looked at River. "So you are a time lord as well?"

"About half."

"And the other?"

"Human."

"Didn't know Humans and time lords were compatible."

River laughed mischievously. "Oh yes, they certainly are." Then River took a serious tone. "I'm a grown woman so I can protect myself and I can certainly protect the children. But someone is after the Doctor, and also after anyone very close to the Doctor."

"Kate, the children need as much protection as possible. We've done alright up till now. But I think we need more than just ourselves now." Even though he trusted Kate, he wanted to hide Trenzalore from her. Hopefully, Kate's connection was so minor that modern day UNIT wouldn't even come to their mind- especially in connection to River.

"So are they going after former companions of yours, Doctor?"

"I hadn't heard of any yet."

"Two of my people are your former companions."

"Yes, Mickey and Martha."

"They should be notified anyway, because of the risk. This will be strictly unofficial, but I'm certain that they will be happy to be your direct contact Professor Song. We will certainly give the children our protection."

The Doctor sighed with relief, then hugged Kate. "Thank you." Then he turned to River.

River threw her arms around him tightly and gave him a quick but passionate kiss. "I feel like I'm abandoning you!"

"No. Keep the children safe, all of them-" His hand brushed her still flat stomach. He gave her a gentle kiss back. "I love you" He said telepathically in Gallifreyan. Then he whispered in her ear "Besides" he teased, "didn't you tell me in Manhattan, one psychopath per Tardis?" He pulled back with a forced grin. Then turned and hugged both children tightly, giving them both a kiss to the forehead.

"I love you too" River said aloud in Gallifreyan.

The Doctor grinned. "That accent."

River smiled back lopsidedly, holding back her tears. Then she picked up Amelia and held her on her hip, letting her other hand take Jonothon's. Both children were crying, Amelia's uncontrolled toddler howls, Jonothon more restrained whimpers as he tried valiantly to be a big boy.

The Doctor fled into the Tardis, his own emotions overwhelming him. He didn't dare look back.

Everyone watched the Tardis depart, then Kate turned to River and gently said "Tea?"

River took a deep breath, fighting to regain self-control. Soothing her children with kisses and touches, she replied to Kate, "Yes."

In Kate's office, a subdued Jonothon played with a maze puzzle Kate had in her office, while Amelia slept fitfully in her mother's lap, whimpering in her sleep. River held her daughter close with one arm while she drank her third cup of tea.

"Professor Song?"

"Yes?"

"What is your area of knowledge?"

River's mouth quirked slightly. "The Doctor."

Kate chuckled. "Yes, I'm certain of that. But what are you a Professor of?"

"Archeology."

"Wonderful. How would you like to work with UNIT, unofficially?"

"Could the children stay with me at work?"

"Since it would be unofficial, yes. I understand your feelings- you want to make sure they are safe at all times."

"It's not just that. It's also that where I and the children lived, it was normal for children under school age to be with their parents at work, as long as the job wasn't dangerous."

"Sounds wonderful. Where was this?"

"Normally I couldn't tell you, because it's far future knowledge, but well…"

"Understood, the knowledge will be strictly confidential."

River took a deep breath, sharing even something so mundane made her slightly uncomfortable. But who knows, maybe this was the way it was meant to start. "I live on an Earth colony in the 52nd century. I teach at an university."

Kate smiled wistfully. "I have a twenty-three year old son Gordon. I wish we had that policy. But then again, I bet my job would be considered dangerous even in your time, right?"

River shook her head no. "You are essentially government scientists, right?"

"For the most part, UNIT is still mostly covert military. We are the least militarized of the larger sections, but a lot of it is still covert."

"Hmm, well, yes, I've heard that does limit workplace contact. I think they allow parents of young children to switch departments, then going back to the more covert work once the children start school."

Kate sighs. "Well I'm happy it finally happens." Then she glanced at the children "How old are they?"

"Jonothon is five. He would have started kindergarten, but…"

"But you had to flee, I guess?"

"Yes. Jonothon is more used to linear time, so he was a bit confused during the time we were with the Doctor."

"So despite the recent emotional trauma you think he'll adapt well?"

"Yes."

"And your daughter?"

"Amelia is just over 18 months. She adapted to the strange sense of time on the Tardis quite rapidly. I think she's more fully a time lord mentally than Jonothon."

"Does she have difficulties with linear time?"

"She didn't before, but I'll have to see after three months in the Tardis. The Doctor was able to adjust to linear time, so I don't think it's anything to worry about. I'm more worried about how intensely she will miss her father. She's such a daddy's little girl, absolutely adores her father."

"And Jonothon?"

"For him, I'm afraid of nightmares. He's very mentally mature for his age. He understands a lot about what happened. He had a few nightmares on the Tardis, but both of us were right there. Now he knows his father is in danger and is all alone…" River looked back, and saw Jonothon had put down the puzzle and was nodding tearfully. "Come here." River gently motioned. Jonothon ran and flung himself against his mother's free side. River let her arm close tightly around him in reassurance. Then she looked back at Kate. "This is another reason why my children should be with me, at all times."

"Understood. If any of my staff bothers you about the children, report it immediately." Her expression was firm. "I will speak to the staff. I don't think there will be any problems, especially once they know you are an archeologist. They've complained we need an archeologist who was willing to work for UNIT, instead of a university. I also have two people on staff with young children. They might start petitioning me to let their children come in as well." Her expression was serious, but a bit of amusement showed in her eyes. "I think you will be quite welcomed. They all saw your arrival and know who you are. Well, lets see if we can shake up some 21st century attitudes with some 52nd century ones." Kate let a warm smile show.

Kate's phone rang. "They've arrived? Good. Have they been apprised of the situation? Good. And they are willing to help out? I figured as much. Okay, send them in."

As soon the door opened, the two former companions of the Doctor practically ran into the office.

River stood up and faced them, holding her still sleeping daughter resting against her hip with one hand, and held Jonothon's hand in her other. Jonothon quickly scrubbed away his tears and gave the two strangers a curious stare.

Mickey gave River an appreciative look over and Martha gently elbowed him "Stop ogling the Doctor's wife." she said with annoyance.

River laughed. "It's okay. After what happened today, a little harmless ogling is good."

When his mother laughed, Jonothon relaxed and said "Can I go back to the puzzle, mum? I think I almost figured it out."

"Sure." She let go of his hand.

Martha held out her hand with a friendly smile. "Hello, I'm Doctor Martha Jones and the ogler is my husband Mickey Smith. We both traveled with the Doctor for a short time."

"Yes, I know." River said as she shook Martha's hand with her free one.

"Oh he told you about us?"

"Yes. He said he felt safe leaving the children and myself with you."

Both Mickey and Martha looked overjoyed, Mickey slightly astonished as well, he'd never known the Doctor had come to have that much belief and trust in him. "Yeah, we have plenty of room at the house. Our house is protected with shields and other things, it's not your typical home- although it looks completely normal." Mickey stated.

"Kate, Mickey, and Martha, I do want to let you know I am proficient with many types of weapons. I can and will be able to protect my children with them."

"The Doctor hated weapons, so that changed?"

"For the most part no, but he knew I was skilled and level headed with weapons." She wouldn't mention her time as Mels…

"We do have a practice range on site. Someone could watch the children while you put in time on the range. We do have a small stockpile of alien weapons allowed for UNIT use, mostly laser type handguns."

River nodded. She probably needed the practice. She had gotten out of the habit of even carrying a weapon when she took the lecturer position. She had been lucky, that job had soon turned into a regular professorship. That was why she had no weapons in Manhattan… and still had none. She was leery of having any kind of weapons around her very young children as well. Too dangerous. Jonothon was a very cautious child, but he still could be curious. She noticed the Doctor had been the same about his sonic, although that was nowhere near as dangerous. He tended to keep the sonic inside his jacket most the time around the children…

River was relieved they would be staying with Mickey and Martha. Kate was trustworthy, but former companions of the Doctor were so much better. She would only need to keep a few details from them. They would have a real understanding of the bond to the Doctor. They would understand the danger far better as well. She could also tell them about Trenzalore. They might see it too, best to forewarn them. She had one other question, first though... "Mickey, Martha, do you have children?"

Martha laughed. "Well, I was going to going to tell Kate the news when the test results came back this afternoon, but well, we think I may have to put in for maternity leave in about seven months."

"Are you sure you want to do this, with a baby probably on the way?" River asked.

"We discussed this on the drive. We decided yes, we would." Martha said firmly, her tone absolute.

"Man, she's just like her mother in that mood. Nothing will move her." Mickey complained, but it seemed more minor grumbling than discord.

They should definitely know about Trenzalore, River thought. I'll tell them at their house. She didn't mind sharing one last bit of information with Kate as well, though. "I'm also pregnant. The Doctor and I just recently found out. I'm very early in my pregnancy."

"Two hormonal pregnant women in the house…" Mickey whinged.

Martha elbowed him again.


	3. Chapter 3

I Was Born Just to Get To You

Chapter 3

Four months later

They had finally managed to gather all the Doctor's living companions, except for Barbara and Ian, who were missing, and Captain Jack Harkness who no one knew how to contact since Torchwood had disbanded. River dreaded the implications of the former. As for Captain Jack Harkness River suspected he would show up sooner or later.

Everyone was gathered in Martha and Mickey's sub cellar secure room. Both Wilf and Donna were here. One of the last things River and the Doctor had done together was to help Donna. River had been able to take in the dangerous level of knowledge that the Doctor had to shut away from Donna's conscious mind, and then the Doctor had unlocked Donna's memories. Because of this Donna and Wilf knew a bit about Trenzalore already.

River had also included her three living grandparents as well- Brian Williams, Augustus and Tabetha Pond. River knew, being her grandparents could easily make them targets, even though Brian was the only one of the three that had done any traveling with the Doctor.

Brian, Augustus and Tabetha were the only ones here, besides her, that knew the details of how she had become River Song. That had been difficult enough, Brian especially, because it had to be done after he knew Rory and Amy were gone. At least with Augustus and Tabetha, Amy had done the talking on her first visit. The three had known about the two older children long before the Doctor. River did regret not bringing Jonothon around to her parents, but at the time she felt uncertain about letting the Doctor know he was a father. Thoughts of Trenzalore had made her hesitant. Now, though, she didn't regret him knowing, and wondered if she had made the right choice before.

Martha had wondered if she should invite her parents and siblings, but decided to leave them out and hope for the best. "I haven't been associated with the Doctor for three years, my time."

"Yes, and I'm so much more tempting a target, the Doctor's wife, half time lord, and there are my children as well."

Martha nodded. "While Mickey and I might be targets, it's less likely my parents and siblings would be, because of your far more intense connection."

"I'm certain I and the children are, and there's a chance my grandparents are as well since I am married to the Doctor. Former companions' families would be of lesser interest to any enemy, with the Doctor now having a family."

River looked around the gathering, besides her children and grandparents, and Wilf, the only other people who had brought family members that weren't truly companions were Jo Jones with her oldest grandson, Santiago and Sarah Jane Smith with her two adopted children, Luke and Sky. Sarah Jane Smith approached River, with a very intent look on her face.

"Martha Jones told me you are the Doctor are married, is that true?"

River sighed inwardly as she detected a touch of jealousy in the inquiry, she had expected a bit of this from some of companions.

Jo Jones heard Sarah Jane and hurried over and echoed the question, "Did you really get married to him?"

oddly River didn't detect any jealousy from Jo, but did notice a hurt look flash across her face, before she weakly smiled. That set of expressions cut to the heart, River felt herself almost instinctively reach out and briefly clasp Jo's hand with a empathic smile. She looked from Jo to Sarah Jane "Yes, it's true."

"When?" Both women asked.

River chuckled. "Our first one was in an alternate timeline where all time was collapsing."

"Oh, how romantic!" Jo Jones genuinely enthused.

"Actually, it was. Once he decided he would marry me to save time, he was very certain and quite romantic."

"First one?" Sarah Jane asked.

"Yes, once we married the first time, the Doctor became quite enamored of getting married to me over and over in different ceremonies across time and space. I think we had around 30 different weddings…" River's mouth quirked into a smile.

"I wish I could have seen one of them." Jo sighed.

"Most the time it was just the Doctor and I, my parents were there for a few of them, but never anyone else I or the Doctor knew."

"Where are your parents?" Sarah Jane questioned.

River schooled her face into neutrality. "They are gone."

"Gone?"

"They were companions of the Doctor, something happened and they become lost to us- the Doctor and I."

"They were companions? Weren't they rather old to be companions?"

"it's complicated, and if you don't mind, I'd rather just explain this once to everyone." River walked away, it was going to be hard to speak about the loss of her parents, and not just for her, she looked over to her grandparents. So many difficult things to speak of… all kinds of secrets told. Her grandparents knew almost everything about her, but the others knew almost nothing, even Martha and Mickey. She wondered what her grandparents would think of the Doctor after they knew the secrets that had to be told, to a lesser degree the companions too, especially those like Sarah Jane and Jo Jones who had a very happy experience with the Doctor and saw little to none of his darker side, perhaps Tegan would be in that category too.

Unbeknownst to River, Sarah Jane looked a bit embarrassed. "Jo, I think I let the reporter side push too hard, that woman is more vulnerable than she looks."

"Maybe that's why he fell in love and married her."

River joined her grandparents and her children. Amelia immediately jumped into lap. Jonothon squeezed in next to her and leaned against her. The comfort of their contact, and her grandparents as well, helped restore her courage to say what had to be said. River regretted the children would have to learn it all so young. She wished they could have been a little older, especially Amelia. Jonothon was probably old enough to hear this, but Amelia wasn't quite two years old.

The others were sitting down too, it was almost time to start. After Wilf, the oldest people gathered here were Ben and Polly Jackson, then Liz Shaw, retired Unit member and university professor. Next would be Jo Jones and Sarah Jane Smith.

The most reluctant person at this gathering was the former Victoria Waterfield. She had only agreed to come when it was explained she could suddenly disappear in front of her family, by someone possibly targeting former companions of the Doctor. Victoria had never spoken of her time with the Doctor with her husband or children. She preferred to continue to keep it a secret, even choosing to go by her birth name at this meeting.

River's three grandparents were the next oldest people here. Then the human rights activist Tegan Jovanka. It had been tracking her and Jo Jones that had caused the delay in the meeting.

Although she looked it, River was not the next oldest of the Doctor's associates in this room, in fact, only Mickey and Martha were younger than her. Dorothy, formerly "Ace" was next in age after Tegan. Dorothy ran a charity as her avocation, but her true career was as a covert ops member of UNIT. Donna Noble-Temple was next, and River couldn't help but notice she kept looking at her like she really wanted to say something to her, but didn't know if she should. It gave River a uncomfortable feeling.

The intruder alert went off right then. After a few tense seconds the full DNA scan confirmed the upstairs "intruder" was Captain Jack. Mickey went upstairs and led the former leader of Torchwood 3 down to the meeting room.

After greeting the people he'd met before he turned toward River and her family. "So Professor Song, I finally get to meet you. You are even more lovely than I'd heard."

River shook her head in amusement. The man was just as much a flirt as she'd read. "Is that all you've heard about me, Captain?"

"Oh, just that you're the one who finally got a real marriage with the Doctor."

"Somewhere along the way, yes." River smirked.

"Oh, so the rumors are true that the Doctor has become quite enthusiastic about weddings with a certain lady?"

"Yes." River couldn't help a giggle burbling out.

"Lucky lady."Ah, River thought, the Captain had some feelings for the Doctor as well. But he handled it well, it was barely detectable. She had a feeling he concealed it better around most people.

"I hear you are going to tell us a lot of secrets tonight. Sure you want to do that?"

"I have to, it's things everyone here must know."

"Better you than me."

River smirked.

After everyone was seated again River spoke, "I suppose I should start. Most of you here don't know me. I'm Professor River Song, the Doctor's wife."

"So he finally up and married then?" Ben laughed. Polly jabbed him in the side "Rude, she just told you so. Took you long enough to propose, so you're one to talk.."

River continued, trying to visual this as if she was teaching her class at the university. "Yes. Perhaps it would be better to start with my story. My parents were the first married couple to be companions of the Doctor. I was conceived on the Tardis while it was traveling in the vortex. As a result my DNA is around half time lord…" River paused knowing this, in and of itself would take some time for most to understand.

"Sounds like maybe your parents might have had some slight alteration to their DNA for you to be around half time lord." Captain Jack commented.

"Yes, I've thought so too. My mother as a child had a crack in the wall of her bedroom that was a rip in time. My father often visited as a child. So yes, it could have had a low level alteration on their genes. I was their only biological child, and due to my bizarre childhood, I also spent time in that room as a child."

"I've heard some rumors about you, and been quite displaced in time myself, Professor Song." Captain Jack replied.

River sighed. "I can imagine the rumors…"

"Just that you were born in the 52nd century at place called Demon's Run, stolen as a newborn by enemies of the Doctor and taken to Earth-"

"Yes, but my mother was abducted before I was born by those same enemies and taken to Demon's Run. My father, the Doctor, and allies searched for my mother, and discovered the hiding place was Demon's Run sometime shortly after I was born."

"But how could this have happened, your parents, when were they born?" Victoria looked genuinely confused.

"I'm part time lord, I'm younger than I appear. My last regeneration gave me this form you see. But I've also lived in several different times and places for a number of years. These are my grandparents. They know me as I am now, but they also know me as the friend of my parents Mels Zucker. They saw me grow up from a little girl to a young woman. I looked quite different so none of them knew I was actually family."

"You said enemies of the Doctor took you, who were they? Are they enemies any of us have faced?" Sarah Jane asked.

"No. They are the Silence, the Clerics, the Headless Monks, and Madame Kovarian." River couldn't hold back her shudder.

"I've had a run in with the Headless Monks, wasn't pleasant." Captain Jack muttered.

"And they were the least involved in what happened. The other three abducted me a second time, on the very day I received my doctorate at Luna University. They tried to force me into killing the Doctor, by putting me inside an Apollo astronaut suit they rigged with an energy gun in the hand. They attempted to create a fixed point. I drained the energy weapon, saving the Doctor, but disrupting time. The Doctor ultimately discovered a way to fool those enemies and the Doctor and I faked his death."

"Oh I just knew the Doctor would have come through with a plan!" Jo exclaimed. "Is that when he first married you?"

"Yes. But there's more I have to tell you, that is even more difficult to say. When I was abducted, they attempted to make me into the Doctor's assassin. The perfect psychopath. They came so close to succeeding…"

"How hideous to do that to an innocent child!"

"Yes, it was. I escaped when I was around 4 years old. I lived on the streets of New York City and regenerated for what I think was my second time in February 1970. My memory is hazy, but somehow I then ended up in the same town as my parents, as a foster child of the Zucker family, it was now 1993. I met my parents when we were all seven years old in 1996.

When I was small the things the Doctor's enemies had implanted in my brain rarely caused problems. My mother first met the Doctor right after he regenerated into his 11th self, when she was seven years old. No one believed her wild stories about the Doctor but me, and to a degree Rory, who would become my father. When I was young, something inside fought the brainwashing and fully embraced my mother's images of the Doctor…" River blushed lightly, "I swore as an eight year old that someday the Doctor would fall in love and marry me."

"Oh and he did! So amazing!" Jo was smiling with tears in her eyes.

River smiled back, Jo was such a sweet natured woman, and obviously a complete romantic. Then River took a deep breath, this next part was the hardest to tell. "If I had told you the next part of my story even five years ago, I wouldn't have understood it like I do now. As I grew up the brainwashing destabilized my mind and began to control my actions more. I became a delinquent partly in response to the brainwashing and partly to fight it."

"I can understand that bit." Dorothy said quietly.

"Everything became mixed up in my mind. Unbeknownst to me at first, my future parents encountered and began to travel with the Doctor. I finally discovered this shortly after my parents wedding, in my timeline. At 22 years old, I finally tracked down the Doctor, and by force I made him and my parents take the Tardis back to 1938 Germany. I decided I would kill Hitler and the Doctor. In my crazed mind they were equal monsters. Hitler shot me first and triggered the regeneration form you see today. My father punched Hitler in the face and locked him in a closet…"

"Wish I could have seen that!" Wilf smiled.

"My mind still fully under the control of the brainwashing, I attempted to kill the Doctor. He did actually die for a brief time, but my parents anguish, the Doctor telling me to find River Song and tell her he loved her, and discovering I was River Song, made me choose to sacrifice my remaining regenerations to bring him back to life."

"You didn't know?"

"No, that was one thing the Doctor's enemies made sure I didn't know. Because of who River Song was to the Doctor. The Doctor and my time lines were running out of order. He met me as River Song first, then as four year old Melody Pond, but neither he or my parents knew who I was. Then came Demons Run, when he and my parents found out Melody Pond would become River Song. Finally he met Mels who regenerated into this form. I realized when the Doctor said 'find River Song', he meant become River Song. So then I went to Luna University and went on that journey."

"Your parents, they aren't here, what happened to them?" River looked back at her grandparents, "Do you want to step out for this?" All three shook their heads no. River decided to cut to the chase and leave out the other details

"The Doctor, my parents and I were attacked in New York by the Weeping Angels."

Martha gasped in horror.

"Most of you here have never seen one. Trust me, you don't want to ever see one."

"What do they do?"

"They kill you by sending you back in time. They live off that energy."

"But couldn't you just go back in time and rescue them?"

"Too many time paradoxes around my parents and New York itself. We lost them." River heard her grandmother crying behind her and what sounded like both her grandfathers trying not to cry as well. Amelia scooted herself over and plopped down in her great grandmother's lap, reaching up and patting her cheek. Jonothon looked stricken, torn between wanting to join his sister in comforting their grandmother, or staying next to his mother. River gave Jonothon a gentle squeeze, then whispered "I'll be okay."

"Mum, I'll stay with you. You have to tell them about Daddy next, right?"

"Yes. I hope that didn't scare you, how mummy was crazy."

"No. Those bad people did that to you, mum. Were you scared they'd come after Amelia and me?"

"A little." Actually a lot, but River thought it best to not touch on that now. Besides, she could feel the time that was a risk was past, it was too late now for them to try that move, and she doubted they'd make such a big mistake twice. If even a half time lord that had been abducted as a newborn could fight their brainwashing, they'd have no chance with three quarter time lord children, and wouldn't have got the chance to try it anyway. River had too many precautions set up.

"Why would anyone do such a thing, just to kill the Doctor. Usually anyone that has just went right for him." Sarah Jane asked and most of the people around the room nodded."

"The Master has used associates of the Doctor to get at the Doctor though." Martha stated.

Those that had experience dealing with the Master nodded.

"Who's this Master person?" Tabetha asked sharply.

"A childhood friend of the Doctor's, another time lord, but he slipped into complete psychosis while still quite young."

"Is he involved in this thing you brought us here to warn us about?"

"Trenzalore, Grandmother? The Doctor believes he might be."

"What is this Trenzalore?" Sarah Jane questioned.

"What the Doctor has been running from his whole life."

"Would this have to do with the Valeyard?" Dorothy asked.

"Yes." River says softly.

"Valeyard?" most of the rest asked.

"It's a very long story. But the gist of it is that the Doctor has locked away the darkest part of himself, deep inside. It's been there so long that it's become a entity inside of him. At Trenzalore something will induce those that know the Doctor's true name to say it. This will trigger an incomplete regeneration in him, splitting the Doctor into two beings, the conscious mind of the Doctor, and the entity known to some as the Valeyard, amongst other names. The first targets of the entity's genocidal rage will be those that have harmed or killed his associates. The Silence will fall first as they will all be forced to Trenzalore. Others after that. This is why I was abducted and brainwashed. They wanted the Doctor dead before he wiped them out."

"But what about the Time Lords can't they stop this?" Jo asked.

"There was a Time War, all the time lords are gone." Martha says.

"Gone? How?"

River lets Martha, Mickey, Wilf and Donna explain. Once everyone is brought up to date, and Dorothy tells what she knows about the Valeyard, everyone is looking a bit shell shocked.

"I never knew something like that could be inside the Doctor. I never saw any hints." Sarah Jane looked stunned.

"Nor I." Jo Jones murmured.

"I didn't see it either, but I, not sure how to describe it, but it was almost like I knew he was hiding something from me, something unpleasant." Liz Shaw said and sighed. "So I was right in my feeling. I didn't know it would be this bad. Professor Song you are a brave woman, knowing from the start, but still wanting to help him."

"It was more love than bravery." River demurred.

"Your love made you brave." Tegan replied. The Doctor was always telling me, "Brave heart, Tegan. I didn't realize how brave one he had to have, knowing what was inside him. I saw hints of it, maybe once or twice, but nothing like what you lot have."

"Me and Polly, we were with two earlier Doctors. The first one didn't hide his dark side so much, lots of secrets and lies though. When he regenerated he started acting nicer and started hiding things more. It was more disturbing than the way he was at first, so I and the duchess scampered off the first chance we got."

"Yeah, it was kind of unnerving, the change." Polly added.

"His love of violent and frightening adventures disturbed me, so I didn't stay long. I guess that was part of the dark side too." Victoria stated. She was absolutely horrified at what she had learned about the Doctor, and hoped she would be forgotten and not ever have to face that kind of thing again. She was thankful it had brought her to this modern era with far better medicine and amazing technology, but that was it.

"The Doctor I was with, he was strange. He could be kindly, fatherly, but then something would change and he'd be cruel and frightening. I left because the times he was cruel and frightening was becoming more common than the kindly and fatherly." Dorothy mused. "I saw the Valeyard and I believe he's everything you said, Professor Song. I'm much older now and finally understand what happened. I stopped using Ace as my nickname after I left the Doctor. I finished school and joined UNIT. It was the only way I knew to deal with things. I created that charity after a few years, it's my more normal life, but kind of my touchstone to the Ace I was too."

"The first Doctor I saw, he was messed up. He'd be grinning and acting like a loon one moment, then would flip into this cold scary hatred the moment he saw a dalek. " Mickey said. "Don't know what my ex girlfriend saw that was so fantastic about him. The other, well he was better in some ways, but he screamed like a complete nutter a lot. Guess my ex liked that kind of guy, she chose him over me."

Martha rolled her eyes. "And I chose you over him, so that's done with. But Mickey's right, he did scream and get crazy, at times, yeah. But he could also be funny. I enjoyed most of my traveling with him."

"That was the one in the pinstripe suit and trainers, right?" Sarah Jane asked.

"Yeah. Man has no fashion sense." Donna mutters.

"Oh, but what about the one that looked more like a boy, who wears the bow tie?" Jo asked, "I met him once, along with Sarah Jane."

"That's my husband" River smirked. "And the bow tie, braces and tweed jacket isn't the worst of it, his taste in hats… the man actually wore a fez once!"

"With that combination?"

"Yes. Complete abomination. I destroyed his hat straight off." River laughed. ''But think he bought another and is hiding it. Probably wears it when I'm not around. I don't want to know."

"But what about your experiences with his darker self, Professor Song" Liz Shaw asks after the laughter dies down. "I believe you've seen it as well."

"Yes, and all the worse because I knew from the start it was there and where he was heading." River closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "He will casually threaten genocide, and I know he means it, every bit. I saw him say just that to the weeping angel that stole my parents away. He done that with others too that have harmed those he associates with. He's become too close to what he will become at Trenzalore. He made me promise to leave him with the children when the madness became too strong. I did. That's why the children and I are here. But I knew everyone that cared for the Doctor had to know about what is soon to come. Captain Jack, could you warn those in different times? Don't try my parents though, I think the paradoxes will keep them safe. If not, they already know a lot. I'll speak to them at Trenzalore, if I can."

Captain Jack nodded.

"And as my husband calls it, 'Pete's World', the alternate dimension where Rose Tyler and her family live, that's sealed off from other dimensions, right?"

"Yes." Mickey said

"Good. That means they are safe. That leaves Gallifrey before the time lock, but none of us can access that, not even with a vortex manipulator, only the Tardis can traverse it, so they can't be warned the conventional way, but there was a way a warning message could be encrypted. The Tardis has taken care of that."

"The Valeyard will do things before the message is found and decoded." Dorothy replies.

"Yes, I know." River sighed. She feels emotionally drained, exhausted. "I think it's time I and the children head to bed." She says to her grandparents. "Certainly dear." Tabitha hugs her, and Augustus and Brian as well. River gives her grandparents a worried look, "I hope you don't hate my husband now."

"No, but I can't say I'm not very frightened of him." Tabetha replies.

"Tabby and I best be off, long drive ahead of us at this time of night. Thank you, granddaughter, for including us. I hope if the worst happens and we're there with you, we can be of some help to you. Now you rest up like the good girl we know you are." Augustus patted her shoulder, then he and Tabetha left.

"Do they know all the details about what happened Rory and their daughter?" Brian asked after they left.

"Yes, I told them."

"Good." The he sighed. "I suppose I should go too, my drive is just as long as theirs, and I'm not a kid either. What they said about the worst, same goes for me. I can see a lot of Rory in you, know we are there for you, don't take the burden all on yourself, granddaughter."

"I won't."

"Good, now do like your other grandparents told you, and rest. It's not just that Trenzalore thing, but that baby growing inside you, and my other great grandchildren. They need a mother that is at her best, not only in her heart and head, but her health."

"I will, I promise."

"See that you do." He said sternly, but then smiled.

River sat for a few more minutes after Brian left. Amelia was running around the room, making a spectacle of herself. River shook her head, she was every bit the most charming parts of her father right there. Martha looked amused, and sat down beside River. "You have a lot of baby sitters here right now. Go rest for a while. I'm advising this as a medical doctor. You need it, after all this."

"Oh I know. It's just motivating myself to move. It's more emotional exhaustion than physical."

"Let's make that tea you like, then."

"Ah, I think that did it. I feel inspired to move now."

"Good."

Once River started up the stairs Amelia raced up them ahead of her. River smiled up at her daughter, happy that the stories she'd heard hadn't traumatized her. She looked at Jonothon walking just ahead of her, with his solemn little face. "Jonothon, I'm sorry that you've heard stories about how bad your father and mother have been. I wish neither of us were that way."

"Mum, I saw daddy being scary, remember?"

"So you did."

"Can we help him, mum?"

"Yes, but it might take a while. I'm afraid it will hurt and be very scary, more than what you saw, do you understand?"

Jonothon nodded. "Why did daddy do that?"

"Lock that darkest part of himself away and run from it?"

"Yes, mum."

"It's scary looking at the darkness inside of yourself. For your father I think he wanted to pretend it wasn't there."

"What about you, mum?"

"Kind of the opposite. All I saw was the monster, the psychopath, believing almost everyone else was a better person than me. That was a mistake too. It's what allowed the brainwashing to take me over. It was knowing someone loved me that made me start to question how much a monster I could really be, even at my worst. I started changing at that moment. I became me, not what I had been programmed to be."

"Mum, you're not a monster."

"I know that now. Not even a psychopath. I can't say I'm not at least a bit crazy though."

Martha chimed in "Oh, we're all a bit crazy, especially those of us who willingly became associates of the Doctor."

"I must be truly hopelessly crazy then, I married him, not just once, but many times." River laughed.

"Well, when this is all over, you and the Doctor should have another wedding, and this time invite all of us."

"Oh I'm sure the Doctor would love that."

"What about you?"

"I'd definitely invite you and Mickey, my grandparents, Wilf and Donna, Liz Shaw, Tegan, Jo Jones, and I think Dorothy."

"Not sure about Sarah Jane and the others?"

"Well… I don't think Victoria would risk it, so I wouldn't want to impose. Captain Jack might annoy the Doctor too much with his flirting, Polly would probably be fine, but Ben gets on my nerves a bit."

"I think he does any woman's, even Polly's." Martha grins

"Well, yeah."

"And Sarah Jane?"

"She's the one I feel the most uncomfortable around, like I don't measure up to what she thinks the Doctor's wife should be."

"Hmm, I think that might have changed as she heard your story. She's not looking at you that way now."

River scanned the dinning room where everyone that was left was gathered around drinking tea and eating snacks. Not one face in the room was looking at her in judgment. Every single face had looks of sympathy, even Sarah Jane's. River took that in with astonishment.

"Someone get a chair for Mrs. Doctor. The lady's pregnant and I bet that climb up those stairs wore her out." Ben pronounced.

River rolled her eyes, but sat down in the chair Captain Jack immediately offered with a flirtatious grin. "It's Professor River Song."

"Still you're the Doctor's missus, and you're pregnant, and shouldn't you be doing the same?" He said to Martha Jones.

"Pregnancy is not an illness" Martha grumbled. "I'm fine."

"Ben, you're doing it again." Polly muttered.

"Alright, alright. No one respects chivalry nowadays…"

Polly sighed.

Martha walked into the kitchen and made up the tea for River, and poured coffee for herself. Decaffeinated now, because of the pregnancy. A little caffeine wouldn't hurt but she'd already had that this morning.

The tea River liked was light on the caffeine and had helpful herbs for pregnancy in it. Martha knew her supply was running out though, and as it was a 52nd century tea, River had brought with her from the Tardis supplies. She couldn't get more without time traveling. With the danger level now, River had already said no time travel for herself, unless it was an emergency. But perhaps Captain Jack could be charmed into getting more, Martha grinned. She'd put in a word with Jack and see if he couldn't have it discretely delivered. Maybe a whole case. Martha quite enjoyed the tea as well.

Martha walked back in with River's tea and saw none other than Sarah Jane was speaking to River. Martha handed River the tea and then went over to where Mickey was talking to Donna, Wilf, and Captain Jack.

"Professor Song, please let me apologize for being too much of a journalist earlier."

"It's alright Sarah Jane. I probably was too much a professor downstairs, and please call me River, I only insist on the Professor title with men like Ben over there."

Sarah Jane laughed. "I would too. Your students are lucky to have a professor like you, though, I can tell."

"I miss it sometimes, almost as much as I miss the adventuring with the Doctor."

"So you did have good adventures as well?"

"Oh yes, many!"

"Me too. I'm too old though now for that kind of adventuring, but I find quite a few here on Earth yet, especially since Luke and Sky came into my life."

"I can imagine. I'm not so worried about Jonothon, he's very level headed, balances out his time lord genes quite well, probably better than me, actually. Amelia, she's her father all over again, a little wild child, who'll I know will get into all kinds of trouble as she grows up, but without the darkness locked in side like her father."

"Ah, then perhaps she's more like you than you realize." Sarah Jane laughed.

"I have my own darkness."

"We all do, it's not just a time lord thing."

"Funny, my mother kind of said that once."

"And she was right. It's what happens with the pain of life, River."

"Yes, and my mother and father had plenty. You're right. My father could be quite scary at times, especially since he was so calm and still rather sane when the rage seeped through. Hmm."

"Does it hurt to talk about your parents?"

"Like this, not so much anymore. Like what I had to say downstairs, a lot, still."

"I'd say I understand, but I can't really. My parents deaths were long ago, now. But River, I'm going to tell you something about my adopted children that only a few people know, and none of them outside of Luke and Sky are in this room. Both of them began as genetically engineered weapons. Both have overcome that. But when I heard about what happened to you… I wanted you to know about my children. Neither were harmed so badly as you were, but still…"

"I understand. I'm glad they found their way to your care. They both seem like completely typical kids."

"They both have gone to school, made friends, had a pretty normal life, considering…"

"How did you manage to create the paperwork? I know the Doctor could do it for you easily, but you didn't have direct contact with him either time, right?"

"I have a special computer."

"Oh." River grinned.

"Yes. Luke's papers says he was born in 1993 and Sky in 1999."

"I have some official looking papers with fake birth dates too." River smirked, she had not one, but two old false birth certificates, one in the US with a birth date in 1965 in New York, one in the UK with a birth date in 1989 Leadworth; then there was her true birth date at Demon's Run... There was no original one, but she had one created. She used that one at the Universities- Luna, where she received her Doctorate in Archeology, and the University she taught at. They were the only places outside of the Tardis that had a record with her actual birth place and date, although as River Song not Melody Pond.

The Clerics at Stormcage had of course also known her birth date and used it while she was there, but all their records of her were erased once she was pardoned for a now nonexistent crime. Her lawyer had threatened to bring false imprisonment charges and sue for damages when they stalled. Once that happened they couldn't get her out of there fast enough, and had purged every single record in front of her and the lawyer. So she had completely clean record- even her various petty crime charges as River Song were erased since they all happened during her time in Stormcage.

The Tardis had created the true electronic birth certificate for River years ago. With her astounding academic record at Luna University and a completely clean record, she had easily landed the lecturer position when she had applied. She had quickly proven herself and was made a full professor within months rather than the typical years. She was still the youngest full professor on staff.

As a unofficial member of UNIT's science staff they had created yet another false birth certificate for her- River Williams was stated to have been born in London in 1973. Her parents true birth names were used on the certificate, but with different birth years, of course. Her doctorate in Archeology was credited to Cambridge in 1999, with a professorship at an obscure university in rural Wales beginning in 2001. Her husband was called John Song, born 1978 in rural Wales. Their false marriage certificate stated their wedding took place in 2005 in rural Wales. The children retained their own birth names, but their false birth certificates gave their births as 2007 and 2011 in rural Wales.

Sarah Jane saw that River's attention was no longer directed her way, but inwardly. She touched Rivers arm to bring her attention back. "I believe it's time I left, Luke and Sky have classes tomorrow and he has to drive back to the University after he drops us off, so we best go."

"Goodbye, I'm glad I finally met you, Sarah Jane Smith."

"Glad to meet you as well, Professor River Song."

Sarah Jane's departure seemed to be the signal to everyone else it was time to leave, soon the only person left besides those that lived there was Captain Jack.

"Martha told me to get you more of this- he held out a tea packet."

"Oh, you don't have to."

"It's no problem to do something so minor for the Doctor's lovely wife." He flirted.

River's mouth quirked into a hint of a smile. "Alright then, Mr. Casanova of time and space."

"Oh, you've read those stories." Jack grinned

"A 52nd century bestseller, of course I've read it." River laughed.

"All true."

"I bet they are."

"Next wedding you and the Doctor have, I want an invite!"

"We'll see."

Jack laughed. "You know the wedding night will be all the better if he's a bit jealous at the reception."

"Maybe." River smiled.

"Okay, I have the list of companions and time periods. I'll take care of that first, then your tea. Expect it in the mail tomorrow." Captain Jack strode toward the back door.

"Thank you."

"It's my pleasure Professor Song." He gave her a salute, then turned and went out the door. A few seconds later River heard the faint sound of his vortex manipulator.

"So the Casanova of all time and place?" Martha laughed, having overheard the conversation.

"It fits, don't you think?"

"Oh yeah."


	4. Chapter 4

I Was Born Just to Get To You

Chapter 4

One week later

Unit Research labs, staff lounge

River and Kate sat at a table together with Jonothon and Amelia. While the children were eating lunch, River and Kate talked about recent events.

"Martha said you've alerted all the Doctor's former associates."

"Yes, anyone who had a connection to the Doctor might be in danger, even you Kate."

"Yes, I figured as much. I'm the child of a former associate, and had a fairly recent interaction with the Doctor."

"Also my parents and myself, as well. I should have included you."

"No. My father didn't have that companion level connection. I'm the same, at least to the Doctor. You also need to keep some dangerous secrets, I suspect. I'm sure there are things only companions and the Doctor's family should know. My father and I both had that, with UNIT."

"Still, I'm wondering if I should share with you-"

"That the Doctor isn't always a good man and that he's collected some powerful enemies, because of that?"

"Something like that, yes."

"I understand. Father and I made some dark choices in our careers, decisions we've had to keep secret. I suppose I've accrued a few dangerous enemies too. It makes me regret, a bit, that Gordon has joined UNIT too."

"You'd rather he have a normal life, a less dangerous career?"

"Yes. And also it's guilt. He never expressed anger about how absent I was after I joined UNIT. On the other hand, I resented that my father was so often away, and that he was so secretive about his work…" Kate smiled ironically. "I knew about the Doctor, and I resented that too. I felt my father had a closer bond to the Doctor than he had to me."

River swallowed back shock. "I… my parents, it always felt like that to me too. It felt like both Amy and Rory were closer to the Doctor than they ever were to me. I felt like the Doctor had a closer bond to my mum than to me, as well. I think I resented the first even more when I was young. Maybe that was another reason I acted out…to get their attention. In more recent years it just made me feel sad and left out. Maybe that's another reason I kept my son secret from my parents and the Doctor as well. It insured his closest bond was to me. Finally, I had someone who loved me more than anyone else…"

"I was very similar with Gordon when he was little, especially after my marriage fell apart. But from what you've told me, you didn't exactly have a normal childhood, River, even less than mine…"

River smiled lopsidedly "You could say that"

When she told Kate about her life, River had left out the brainwashing, and the attempting to kill the Doctor part of her story. She told Kate the crucial points: her birth name, about Amy and Rory- including what had happened to them in New York, about being half timelord due to being conceived aboard the Tardis, and that her mother' had been abducted while pregnant and the rescue was too late to save baby Melody from being kidnapped. Melody had escaped her kidnappers at four years old. That suffering from starvation and hypothermia, Melody regenerated into a child that looked to be a different race than her parents. Then somehow she ended up in the same town as her parents, the same age as them. She became her parents' childhood best friend Mels. Mels somehow knew they were her parents but couldn't tell them. Mels became a juvenile delinquent. Then a few years later she discovered Amy and Rory were traveling the Doctor, the man from Amy's childhood tales- who turned out to be real -as were most of the adventures. Mels found them and drew the other three into a reckless bit of time travel which resulted in her getting shot by Hitler and regenerating into her current physical form. River did hint that dramatic events triggered the romance between the Doctor and herself, and the first wedding had been intensely emotional and equally dramatic.

Kate knew there was more to River's story, but respected the need for secrecy. Kate suspected some shame and guilt were attached to those secrets. She recognized that feeling, She felt that way about the absolutely horrid way she had acted toward her stepmother, the rude things she had said to her father when she rejected him, how she blamed him on the failure of her marriage- blaming him for her not understanding men because he was never around during her childhood- rather than realizing she'd just made a poor choice for a husband.

"Well the other departments in UNIT sneer at us, but I've noticed everyone here is happier. It's not just the ones with children either. They are incredibly grateful to you for bringing about onsite childcare in this department. Even those who have no intent on ever having children are happier. I'm hearing far fewer complaints from them about being short staffed. The ones that are parents don't have to take so much time off if their children are sick now."

"It became common practice on the space colonies because of that. It's also less emotionally stressful because both parent and child can easily see each other, and it proved far less disruptive than critics thought."

"For this alone, I thank you. We've become the most productive department in UNIT. Our culture's mindset won't allow crediting this, apparently for some centuries yet, but we know. But you've also earned the gratitude of the staff for all the help in our research backlog. We no longer have a backlog thanks to you."

River shrugged. "I enjoy the researching, keeps my mind sharp. "

"You work well with a team as well- apparently far better than the Doctor did back when he worked with my father. My father was as much exasperated as happy for the help. When it comes to working with a group you never claim the spotlight, in fact you seem to be quite the opposite, content to just contribute and let our more Alpha types battle for the leadership position. The only time I've seen you take leadership is if someone asks you to."

"Well, being married to the Doctor…" River smirked

"Ah, I understand." Kate smiled knowingly.

"It wasn't really until I became a professor that I found a type leadership that I enjoyed, or understood I had an ability to lead."

"It sounds like much of your life involved having to go it alone."

"Even though I prefer being part of a group. I've played the role of being the center of attention, but I don't crave it like my husband does. When I did it, it was briefly, to get either my parents or the Doctor's attention, or as a distraction method. Just a means to an end, not the center of my existence."

"You and the Doctor, you've had some periods of serious difficulties in your marriage?" Kate queried with sympathy.

"Is it that obvious?"

"Only to people who've been married, I think."

River sighed. "Yes. As you saw when I arrived, we parted well that time, but the last time… neither of us was in a good place emotionally. We'd just lost my parents and both of us were deep in grief. At first, we clung to each other and were probably the closest we've ever were. We didn't speak much, didn't go anywhere, just held each other…" River's expression was soft. "That's when I conceived my daughter."

"So she was conceived, like you were, on board the Tardis."

"Yes."

"You said that is what made you approximately half time lord. right?"

"Yes."

"That may mean your daughter is a full time lord."

"I wondered that too. I had her DNA tested. She's three quarters, just like Jonothon. "

"She seems more like the Doctor than your son, so…"

"That's just her personality, I think. I just knew the moment she was born she would be her daddy's girl."

"So it's still nature versus nurture?"

"Yes. .." River paused then continued. "He wasn't there when either of them were born."

"Same thing happened with my husband. In fact, Gordon's birth was the beginning of the end of my marriage. My ex husband never bonded with him, found he didn't like being a father, and hated that my life was so wrapped up with the baby. Our marriage ended before Gordon was even two years old. He's had no further contact with Gordon, as far as I know."

"The Doctor was just the opposite. He loves Jonothon and Amelia immensely."

"I could tell. So more unfortunate circumstances, rather than a strain in your marriage, that he wasn't there for their births?"

"In Jonothon's case yes, time travel related. With Amelia it was due to the bad way we parted after Manhattan."

"So I'm guessing he didn't know about either for a while?"

River looked ashamed. "Not until a few months before we came here."

"You said you parted badly though, wasn't he just as much at fault?"

"Maybe."

"He was avoiding you, right?"

"Likely."

"If he had shown up on your doorstep you would have invited him in, right?"

"Yes."

"So, I'd say that makes him as much at fault, if not more.."

"But I kept Jonothon a secret from him, even when we were alone together after we'd lost my parents. He could sense I was keeping something important from him, and I was refusing to stay and travel with him all the time. That's what caused our bitter parting of the ways."

"River, I've met both you. I know you pretty well, now. Whatever your reason was, I'm sure it was a valid one."

"I thought so at the time, but when he found out and I saw how happy he was that he was a father…I think I made a mistake. What made it even worse was that he never really got angry at me for hiding the children from him."

"From that reaction it sounds like he understood your decision."

"Under the act he puts on, he has a deep self-loathing. It makes me sick at heart, what I did may have felt like a confirmation to him."

"I see the same tendency in you River. Perhaps not as extreme as what you've just told me about the Doctor, but you don't hide it under a persona like he does."

"I know. Maybe that's why we fell in love."

"Like to like?"

"Yes. I learned to not hate myself so much, and I want to help him do that. I haven't come up with the solution though."

"A word of advice, he has to see it as problem first. It's the same as an addiction. He has to see it and want your help."

"I…yeah. " River looked sad. "Why did I see it in myself so much sooner than he has?"

"Maybe because you saw the same thing in him?"

"But shouldn't the same be true for him?"

"From what you've told me, no. He just sees it as the way he is. He's been that way so long, that's his normal."

"Yet, he keeps connecting with others, he knows, I think, it helps keep it at bay."

"So a part of him knows that much."

"But he doesn't seem to be able to struggle against it on his own. He sinks into this well of misery on his own."

"If he was a human male of our time, we'd probably have him on antidepressants."

River shakes her head negatively. "No, it's not brain chemical related. If he could talk about it though, rather than keep it locked up inside him…"

"Is that what you did?"

"Yes, I was able to talk about it with my mother, and my grandparents."

"But not a therapist?"

"No. Even in the 52nd century some of the secrets are too sensitive. But I've privately done some self-directed things in the 52nd century."

"I think that's your solution with the Doctor. Once he finally realizes."

"Who can he talk to?"

"You."

"But I'm not a therapist. "

"Your mother and grandparents probably weren't either, right?"

"No."

"I'm not a therapist either River, but yet we're talking about these things."

River chuckled. "We women have always done this, haven't we, being each other's therapists. You know this still goes on in the 52nd century, but a larger percentage of the men do it too, with women. "

"I truly envy you, even if you have a difficult marriage, your life outside of that sounds like a near utopia to me."

"Compared to this, I guess it would appear so."

"But the reality isn't as perfect, right?"

"Of course."

"Mum?"

"Yes, Jonothon?"

"Gordon said he'd teach me how to test if something UNIT found is from Earth or not, can I go now?"

"Looks like that's our signal lunch is over." Kate smiled.

"Yes, Jonothon, we'll be right behind you."

"Wanna watch too." Amelia pouted and pulled at her mother's hand.

"Okay." She looked over at Kate, "Tony wanted me to look over his results and see if I can find anything he missed, and his desk is right next to Gordon's. Amelia can sit on my lap and watch, until something else distracts her."

River smirked, her daughter had already been labeled "the cute ADD kid" by Kate's employees. River made sure to rein her in from being too much a nuisance though. On the other hand, Jonothon was so quiet but eager to learn anything, Kate's staff loved showing him how things worked. He was their "junior lab assistant". Kate teased that maybe she should pay him a salary too.

When she and the children arrived back at Mickey and Martha's house Sarah Jane Smith was visiting, this time without her children.

"Professor River Song, if I might talk with you again?"

"Yes."

"I'm just so troubled by what you told us about the Doctor."

"Trenzalore, right?"

"Yes. How could he have had that inside himself and concealed it so well from me? It makes me question how good an investigative journalist I truly am."

River sighed. "You met him when he had learned how to hide it but before it was so powerful it showed through again. When the Doctor really wants to hide something, he can do it so well he seems to almost to forget it."

"You're saying he wanted to be a different person so much that not only did he hide it but he made himself forget it?"

"Yes. I understand why, I sometimes wish I could forget about things I've done, but I know I must not."

"But you shouldn't let the pain make you scarred and brittle inside."

River gasped in shock. "How did you know?"

"I did the same thing, with far less cause than you. " She chuckled. "What's funny is, it was my feelings of being abandoned by the Doctor, on top of my childhood pain, fearing that my parents had abandoned me as a baby because they didn't want me."

"Did they?"

"No, they loved me dearly. Turned out when I was left behind it saved my life. My Aunt Lavina raised me…" Sarah Jane sighed.

"Amy's Aunt Sharon makes me sigh like that. She had no liking or understanding of children. She thought my mum was crazy and made no bones about telling her so. But it was Aunt Sharon that went barmy when the Doctor showed up at my parents wedding."

"The Doctor showed up at your parents wedding?"

River smirked. "Landed the Tardis right on the reception hall's dance floor."

"Oh he could be one for dramatic entrances." Sarah laughed.

"Oh yes."

"So what happened to her?"

"Aunt Sharon? Oh they gave her meds for the nervous breakdown. She refuses to believe I'm family."

"Is that difficult for you?"

"Not really. I can pretend she's not family, right back." River smirked again. "Brian, Tabetha and Augustus accept me, that's the important point. They love their great grandchildren too, indulge them overly much." River happy expression belied her mild complaint.

"And what about their granddaughter?" Sarah Jane smiles warmly.

"Probably me too. It's my only experience, so I don't know if I could judge." The smile turned lopsided.

"I'm glad you have finally experienced that. As unorthodox as how Luke and Sky came to me, I'm glad they did. I wouldn't give up having my unique family for anything."

"Yes."

"River, I'm going to tell you something I haven't even told Luke or Sky yet. I don't know how to tell them… I have cancer. It's terminal."

River looked at Sarah Jane in shock. "How long have you known?"

"A bit over a year now."

"How much longer do they estimate you have?"

"Six months to a year, if I'm lucky."

"What type?"

"Pancreatic."

River's mind raced, in the 52nd century almost all cancers were curable, pancreatic was amongst those, even late stage. "Sarah Jane, don't give up yet. This counts an emergency, I'll take you to the 52nd century and they can cure it, permanently, without the side effects of 21st century treatment."

"No, I won't have you risk yourself just to save me." She firmly grasped the younger woman's hands and looked straight into her eyes.

"But what about your children, they'll be devastated."

"I know…"

"Wait, I thought of another way to get you there. Captain Jack Harkness. If he takes you there, you can be claimed as a family member of mine, with my authorization. I'll do that right away and Harkness can take it along." River looked at Sarah Jane earnestly.

Sarah Jane smiled weakly. "Alright Professor Song, you've convinced me. If it gives me more time with Luke and Sky then I should do it. I really don't want to die, not yet. I want to die an old woman."

As she put her children to bed a few hours later, River thought about how something good had come out of this terrible circumstance. Thanks to her being on early 21st century Earth and meeting Sarah Jane Smith, she had saved her from dying from cancer.

It might make it more likely Sarah Jane will have to witness the horrors of Trenzalore to come, but even the monster inside of the Doctor wouldn't physically harm Sarah Jane. River felt it. No one that witnessed Trenzalore would come away free of psychological scars, but as Sarah Jane told her, everyone connected to the Doctor was a kind of family, they'd all help each other, and the Doctor.

River realized she'd truly done the right thing bringing all the living 21st century companions together. She'd heard directly from several of the companions since then, and they were keeping communications open with each other. Even Victoria had changed her mind. She had finally told her family about her experiences, and kept in contact with a few of the other associates of the Doctor. River had been surprised she had been one of those.

The next day Victoria stopped by Mickey and Martha's house.

"I'm shaking inside, River. I'm terrified I'll be there."

River nodded and clasped Victoria's hand tightly. "We'll all help out each other there."

"You are so incredibly brave. I'm in awe of you."

"Doesn't mean I'm not shaking inside too."

"But you have the strength. I don't think I do."

"If you don't we'll all do our best to protect you."

"That makes me a burden."

"No, it makes you family. We take care of our own."

Liz Shaw met up with River a week later in park in Leadworth. Brian, Augustus and Tabetha were playing some odd version of football with Amelia and Jonothon. River kept an eye on the children while she and Liz talked.

"Heard what you did for Sarah Jane."

"Had to."

"I'm not disagreeing, River. You've probably found out about my terminal illness, right? That's why you wanted to meet with me today, you wanted to offer the same thing to me, right?"

"Yes."

"I'll let you in on an old UNIT secret. We've had rudimentary time travel devices for about twenty years. "

River smirked. "Figures. The Doctor wasn't as observant as he thinks he is. An exceptionally intelligent member of UNIT took a look at the Tardis and figured out the basic mechanics of time travel, eventually."

"Something like that." Liz smiles

"It was you, right?" River laughs

"Yes."

"Sometime I'll tell him."

" Please do. " Her smile faded. "I first discovered I had this cancer shortly after I returned to UNIT twenty years ago. I had worked out the schematics for a personal time travel device. I just needed access to the materials, returning to UNIT gave me that. Once I had a working model we used it to do small scale policing of time. Of course, now that we deemed ourselves even more valuable than before, if one of us was diagnosed with an untreatable illness in current time, we arranged a simple trip to when it was treatable."

"I wonder how many time travelers have done that for themselves or others."

Liz nodded at the rhetorical question. "If I had stayed in that time and had treatments every 10 years I could easily have lived to 100. But I chose to come back. It's been 18 years since that treatment and I'm retired now. My only family, as such, is you and the Doctor's companions. The time I have left is unknown. It's a very unpredictable cancer. Probably why even as far into the future I went, it has to be retreated every 10 years. River, I don't want to see what happens at Trenzalore. I'm hoping I die before then. Victoria is scared to death, but deep down she's stronger than she thinks she is. That's why she changed her mind. Mentally, I'm a strong woman, but I'm tired. I've seen too much darkness. I don't want one of the last things I see to be even more of that. I don't want another treatment that insures that I will live to see it and carry it to my grave. If I live long enough any way and I end up a witness at Trenzalore, I will kill myself before I see anything."

River felt forlorn, she regretted she would have so little time with this former companion of the Doctor. She felt a sense of kinship with Liz Shaw, as they were both professors. But she admired the older woman's resolve, and would not deter her. "Liz, I can feel Trenzalore is almost upon us."

"So soon then, before that child is even born, you think?" She gestured toward River's now obvious pregnancy.

"Yes, I'm almost certain of that now."

Liz closed her eyes and sighed. "I was hoping for a bit more time, a year maybe. I would have liked…"

"Me too. We're both professors. It's nice to be around another person, associated with the Doctor, that is."

Liz smiled. "Academia is a different world itself, isn't it, even across centuries, some things stay the same."

"Yes."

"Perhaps, if we'd known each other longer, I would feel different about death, not feel so ready for it."

"Friendships do change you over time. I made friends with other professors and found I wanted to put down real roots, that and being pregnant with Jonothon..."

"What about here, does it inspire you to want to stay, now that you've made so many new friendships?"

"Not to stay, but it's made this time more comfortable than it's ever been for me. I don't feel that sense of being an outsider anymore. But my home is the 52nd century at my university. I'll return there once Trenzalore is passed."

"You'll visit more often and stay I think from now on."

"I think so, unless I'm with the Doctor. He gets restless so quickly."

"Yes. I heard he spent little time on Earth in his fourth regeneration, after being sentenced to a whole regeneration on Earth for his third."

"Must have been a torment for him, stuck on one planet, no matter how much he feels a bond to Earth."

"Wonder what sparked that bond to Earth?"

"Although he has some of the time lord prejudices about humans, he's also always been fascinated by humans."

"The fascination is mutual I think. UNIT certainly is fascinated by you and the children. All the other departments are jealous of Kate's."

"That's why I allowed them to de some basic medical tests on myself and the children, and share the information on a classified level with other UNIT departments. Best not to let the jealousy fester. The three of us are proof of how close humans are to time lords genetically, something the time lords never admitted."

"So how close do we become to being like them? I know by the time period you live in humans have much longer lives."

"Full humans live somewhat longer because so many diseases have been cured or are easily treatable. Biologically they don't change that dramatically. But there are a lot of hybrid humans by the 52nd century and some of the other races humans mix with live for hundreds of years or more."

"Like time lords."

"Yes. I can't even hazard a guess how long my children's lives will be. The Doctor thinks he's around 1,200 but he's just guessing- that's how old he is minimum. He told me he might be seven thousand or even more. He's lost track, did so a long time ago…"

"If you've lived seven thousand years or more I guess you would."

"Some stories say, if they aren't killed, time lords are nearly immortal."

"How must that feel to you, even being around half time lord?"

"Overwhelming, sometimes."

"You're only 35, right, though?"

"Just turned 36."

"But you said he'll be on his 12th once Trenzalore is over. So he'll be closer to being like you then."

"Hmm, yeah. . When I was still frequently traveling in time, it was mostly in the opposite direction from him. I was terrified I would soon encounter a younger Doctor who wouldn't know who I was. That would have been devastating. But then we shifted to being aligned when we encountered each other. I'm hoping it stays that way. I sometimes wonder what it will be like when he's on 13 and I'm whatever age I am. We'll be both on our last life then. Maybe we'll be closer then. I hope so."

"I'm hoping sooner than that for you River. I'm hoping that happens for you with 12."

"Thank you."

Two weeks later they were all at Liz Shaw's funeral.

"She got what she wanted. I supposed we should feel glad about that." Dorothy looked sad. "But she mentored me in UNIT. It was kind of like having a family, since we'd both been companions of the Doctor."

"Like she was your mother?" River asked

"More like an aunt or something."

"I understand. I didn't know her that long, but especially the last time we talked it felt kind of that way for me too."

"Funny, that she connected to the two former juvenile delinquents, huh?"

"And we with her."

"Yeah. " They shared a gently ironic smile.

A week later River was greeted with a surprise as soon as she walked through the doors of UNIT with the children.

"Hello, dear. 11 told me to 'go to the wife', so here I am." River recognized this Doctor, there had been many images captured of him. He was the tallest of the regenerations with a head of hair nearly as curly and wild as hers, and wore a ridiculously long scarf hanging from his neck. He somehow looked older than the images she had seen, the hair was closer to his head and white rather than brown, but still she knew the face.

"Why did he send you to me?" River suspected the answer, but wanted to know for sure.

"I'm the last one still free, besides 11."

It was as she suspected, she felt a sick sense of dread, time was almost up. The Doctor's absolute trust in her, it was overwhelming. He'd entrusted his last free self with her. Whatever tenuous hold he had left away from the howling madness, was here, with this Doctor . She also knew he'd sent this wily, whimsical Doctor to protect her and the children as well. She spontaneously embraced this Doctor, despite her now slightly awkward pregnant belly. She couldn't resist a quick closed mouth kiss as he smiled and held her as well.

That made him blush slightly and chuckle. "My dear, perhaps we should stick to hugs. He and I are the same person, but I do think my 11th self might just get a bit jealous."

River nodded, her face alight with merriment.

"The children are well?" He spoke softly, but looked her straight in the eyes with concerned stare. To a full human this intensity may have been disconcerting, but to River it somehow felt comforting.

"Yes, including this one" She rested her hand on the swell of her belly.

"And you?"

My, she thought, this one does have a compelling charm. She could tell there would be no hiding from him. "Physically, no more than the usual annoyances. Emotionally, a little sad, a few nightmares, but I'm coping."

"So, Jelly baby?" He held out a small paper bag filled with the gummy candy.

River laughed.

A few days later, she brought this Doctor with her to Leadworth, the same park where she'd spoken to Liz Shaw less than three weeks ago. He played with the children, while she sat under a shade tree with her grandparents. She would have played with the children too, but she just felt a bit drained this morning, probably the combination of a cold and her pregnancy.

"He seems a bit more mature than the one we met. Is this is really an earlier version of the Doctor?"

"Yes."

"Is that why he looks so old?"

"I guess so. He told me he's encountered his earlier or later selves before. He's not sure why the earlier Doctors look older than when he regenerated into the next version. It's such a rare thing that he'd only heard vague stories even back when he was a boy. "

"11 and I are the same person. Perhaps, direct contact with my later self brings me to take the appearance I would have if I had continued on." The Doctor replied. He walked toward them, easily carrying both children- Jonothon on his shoulders, Amelia sitting on an arm.

River looked at him fondly. He seemed so much more a big, bear of a man than her Doctor. Not a brawny man, but solidly built, and so tall. Although he played at acting childish nearly as much as her Doctor, there was a paternalistic air to this Doctor. Strangely enough, Amelia didn't seem to be as enthusiastic about this version of her father. It was Jonothon that really bonded to this Doctor. The Doctor seemed to sense this too.

"She adores her father, and to her, I just am not her father."

"She's very little, her second birthday is at the end of this week. I don't think she understands regeneration yet."

"Even on Gallifrey, small children would sometimes lose their bond to a regenerated parent if the change was too dramatic."

"That must have hurt."

"The more kindhearted parents, likely so. The children, certainly."

"Did that happen to you as a child?"

"Yes. My foster father had an accident and regenerated when I was three. He looked and sounded so utterly different in his regeneration, that it felt like that he had well and truly died to me. I was too young to see he was still there, under the surface."

"Were you ever able to-"

"Yes. It took me a few months, but eventually I realized he was actually still there. Don't push Amelia to accept me, she'll be seeing the me she knows as her father again, soon." The Doctor sat down. Jonthon slid off his shoulders and sat between the Doctor and his mother. Amelia clambered over to her mother, and curled around River's baby belly, patting it, then chattering away as if she and her unborn sibling were having a conversation. Considering both being around three quarter timelord, River reflected, they could very well be.

"On Trenzalore." River murmured with a pained look.

"Yes." The Doctor gave her that straight on stare.

River smiled faintly. "I'll have a jelly baby."

He grinned and offered the bag to her.

"I understand my husband's addiction to jammie dodgers now."

"And?"

"It's sugar, just like the jelly babies are for you."

"I'll admit that."

"Being around half time lord, I've also figured why you have the obvious sugar addiction. It's like cannabis is for humans."

"Shh, don't tell anyone. But really, it's more like if you combined caffeine and a lot of chocolate for a human."

"I won't. But I should watch the children's intake, I think. They are more timelord than human, so they are more strongly affected than I am. Amelia seems more sensitive to it than Jonothon. Being on 21st century Earth sugar is impossible to keep it out of their diet."

"Ah, you remind me of Romana. I knew you reminded me of one of my companions."

"She was the timelord companion, right?"

"Yes."

"You had feelings for her?"

The Doctor coughed and blushed lightly.

"It's alright. I won't tell anyone. I've started to see the similarities between you and my Doctor. Being married to an older you, I pick up on subtle things."

"You are also part timelord. You may not even realize you have some of our ways."

"I thought I might." She sighed. "The madness is there. "

"You are the most sane timelord I've met, dear."

"That's now. You didn't see me in Berlin or even area 52."

"What happened there?"

River sighed again. "Spoilers. It would probably create a paradox. I can't tell you."

"Never mind. I believe I may hazard a guess. But none the less, my dear, you've conquered the howling madness better than any time lord. Romana is the only one I knew who came close to your mastery."

"Not so much conquered or mastered it, as made an agreement with it."

"Oh, so that's the solution. Romana told me something long ago, about having a dialogue with hers. I'm afraid I scoffed at that as an impossibility. Perhaps I should have listened to her advice more often. So, may I ask what agreement did you make?"

River smirked. "If my loved ones are in danger, and as long as letting out my madwoman endangers only myself, at most, and no other better solution comes to mind, then I'll allow her out."

"Ah. That simple."

"I had plenty of time on my hands to come up with it."

"Timelords do, but you and Romana are the only I know that did. Perhaps my foster mother did as well though. I never saw her overtaken by the madness either."

"What was she like?"

"Warm and kind."

Unusual for a timelord."

"Yes. But she wasn't fully timelord. She was half human like you, except in the normal fashion."

"You mean she had one human parent one timelord parent."

"Yes. Her father was a timelord."

"You said they were your foster parents. What happened to your biological parents."

"My dear, that might be what you call, 'spoilers'."

"Please tell me I'm not your mother! That would be too hideous!"

"You aren't my mother."

"Do you mean I really am not your mother, or are you just saying that because I told you to?"

"Yes." Then he laughed. "Dear, your face is so horrified. I'll not tease you more. You aren't my mother, be assured. But I can say no more about it."

"Now you've piqued my interest. You do know I'm an archeologist."

"Yes." He grinned and winked at her.

"Oh I know what you're thinking" River said with annoyance.

"What am I thinking, then?"

"Quote: 'I'm a time lord, I point and laugh at archeologists."

"So, I've said it, A bit rude of me to insult my wife's career." He winked again.

"Well, at least you admit it." She grumbled, but smiled.

When they left the park, Brian spoke quietly to the Doctor. "You've been good for my granddaughter. You're more kind to her than the one she married."

"11 has more difficulties. He's far too haunted by so many things, both past and to come."

"How many companions did you lose?"

"As four?"

"As four."

"None. Had four choose to stop traveling with me, and I regenerated while I had three others with me.

"Better record than 11 then."

"I'm sorry."

River fell back into stride with them. "Brian, I'm afraid we can't really talk about this with this Doctor, it might create a paradox that would cause even more damage."

Brian sighed. "I understand."

River awoke from a nightmare the morning of Amelia's second birthday. She knew it was no ordinary nightmare, but her timelord awareness, warning her that Trenzalore would be upon them very soon. UNIT allowed her to take possession of an Alpha Meson pistol. She had it locked away in a safe coded to her DNA next to her bed. That nightmare she'd just awoken from made her consider pulling out her gun holster and wearing the gun…

First came distant screams, then she was running through an unfamiliar night landscape, tree branches lashing at her. She burst onto a field, and saw the source of the screams. Her husband. His eyes were wild and mad. The screams were his. The words were Gallifreyan, but so strangely spoken she couldn't understand them. With each scream the land and even the sky distorted. Behind her husband another man laughed. She'd never seen him, but her mind supplied a name, The Master.

"The Doctor's beautiful wife, at last you join us. Look upon the man you married. This is his true face, the mad beast, eager to wreak havoc across all space and time." The Master laughed .

The Doctor's eyes then turned to her. She'd once seen him look at her with a hint of the possessive lust that burned in them now. It had happened in Area 52, right before he grabbed her wrist, and when he chased her with a growl, even after his hands had been handcuffed behind his back. This was so much stronger than that. She instinctively reacted with a shudder of fear and desire, just like she had that day.

The Master mockingly spoke again. "Oh yes, be afraid little half timelady. There are no fetters on him this time. "

"I don't fear that part of him. That dwells in me as well."

"Oh yes, the human mating drive, as mad unrestrained as any beast's. You are barely above the apes, aren't you?"

River laughed. "You forgot, I'm half timelord. I know that insult comes from your jealousy. The time lords will become mere myths to all surviving civilizations. Humans will own the universe and hybrid humans will be everywhere."

The Master sneered, "Because you breed with anything."

"Even timelords." River smirked back, and embraced her poor mad husband.

In his state that had been a gross miscalculation. The look in his eyes, you forgot that! His mouth was hard on hers in a second, his tongue in her mouth, giving her the snogging of her life, while his hands pulled her lower body tight to his. She was effectively immobilized and her mind was drifting, giving into the sensations. He began to invade her mind with his own mad lust. She could do nothing now to protect the others from whatever the Master might do to them.

The others… she realized she hadn't been alone, she saw the faces of the companions that had become her friends, and even worse saw Jonothon and Amelia crying, locked in a cage, behind the Master…

She gasped awake.


	5. Chapter 5

I Was Born Just To Get To You

Chapter 5

"What's wrong?" Martha looked concerned.

'I'm usually better at hiding my anxiety around others. I had a dream last night. It was about Trenzalore."

'Well if it makes you feel any better Amelia doesn't seem to have picked up on it. She's still a happy little girl enjoying her second birthday, being the center of attention for all these people she knows now."

"Thank goodness for that. She's not as sensitive as Jonothon, yet."

River looked over at her son. Despite being center of the 4th Doctors attention, ever y so often Jonothon would glance her way with a worried expression. After the fifth time, the 4th Doctor looked her way; she gave a slight nod and walked over.

The 4th Doctor leaned in close and whispered in her ear. "You're projecting so much that even some of the humans are picking it up."

"I know. I need more training, especially when it comes to fear and anxiety."

"I could help, if you would allow it."

"Yes, of course."

"Mum?"

"Yes. Jonothon?"

"What's wrong?"

"Just worried about Trenzalore."

"Is it really close now, mum?"

"Yes." She said honestly. Then she forced a soothing smile. "Enjoy today though. Help your sister figure out the tablet I gave her, okay?"

Jonothon nodded and walked over to his sister. Amelia was poking at the screen of handheld computer, giggling when she pressed the touch screen and an app would open. Jonothon sat down next to her and started explaining what each app did. It was a tablet actually marketed for children around 8 years old. A bit beyond even a three quarter time lord child who had just turned two, but it wouldn't be long before she would understand it. For now her big brother could help her.

River and the 4th Doctor walked back to the bedroom Martha and Mickey had given him. River giggled at the mess of jerry-rigged appliances that already cluttered the room. They had all given him the privacy to do what he wished in his room.

Four chuckled. "Predictable to you, I assume."

"Oh yes." She smiled.

"I miss my Tardis. Having to send it to hide in the vortex, without me, was extremely difficult.

"I know. I hated it too, for you."

"It's beginning to feel like you are indeed my wife. You understand things that only another time lord would, and one that knows me well beyond that, my dear."

She gave him a flirtatious wink. He lightly blushed, but then gave a her a hint of a smile. It was a very charming smile.

"Careful now, or you'll make me fall in love with this face of yours too, then what will I do?" She said, smiling back warmly.

"I think my 12th self will be very lucky." He patted her hand. "Now, let me help you with your emotional projection difficulty." He said in a serious tone. "I believe the control may have been purposely blocked by the experiences of your early childhood. Your captors blocked your control over those emotions, to keep you their prisoner in your mind. You've gained control over those emotions. But you still subconsciously project them. Enough so, that any human with telepathic potential could possibly sense it."

The Silence, the Clerics and Kovarian. She swallowed and stiffened, her hands clenched at her side- the source of her nightmares.

"I fear we have no time to do training, but I should be able to unblock it. My twelfth self will be able to help you train it."

They linked in deep telepathic contact.

"You feel different in here than Eleven. I can really feel how much younger you are."

"Ah, yes, I must seem like a mere boy in comparison."

"As opposed to looking like one." She laughed.

"Ah, yes, Eleven did take on quite a young face. Now, let's look at that area of your mind. Would you like to see it? I can do that for you."

"Actually, yes." It was fascinating seeing her physical brain while her consciousness was inside it.

The Doctor pointed out what parts of her mind were functioning as a time lords and what parts were human. "Yes, I can see some genetic manipulation here, and not all from my Tardis. Theirs is less seamlessly blended than what the Tardis contributed to your making. I assume you suffer the occasional migraine?"

"Yes, I do."

"Blame that on your captors, some of this looks deliberately crude, to cause you pain, just from their cruelty. Have no fear; this could not be passed along to the children. Ah, there it is. Yes, see the discoloring?"

"Yes."

"It's damaged, but we can get it working, I believe."

"We? What can I do?"

"Do the actually work, it's your mind, you can actually touch it. I'm only here to guide you for this part.

First untangle the synapses there."

"How?"

"Visualize them becoming untangled- like this," he showed her an image of them untangling.

She, with some anxiety, visualized it just as he showed her.

"Those two blood vessels that are misdirected- another cause of your occasional migraines, by the way. Redirect and then massage them gently to get the blood flowing smoothly through them."

River did so, then she felt a strange sensation.

"There, it's weak for now, but it will work. The more you use it the more it will recover."

He gently broke the deep telepathic contact, then eased them out of the light contact.

"When we fixed it. I felt it. I don't now, but at that moment I did."

"Yes. It will be a struggle at first to access it with your conscious mind. I suggest practicing as much as you can before Trenzalore. But for now let's rejoin the party."

When they rejoined the party, Sarah Jane raised her eyebrows, but then gave River an ironic smile. River had been so relieved Sarah Jane hadn't reacted with jealousy when she heard the news about the Fourth Doctor. He hadn't visited any of the other companions, and only stayed at Mickey and Martha's house because that was where River and the children were staying. But when the other companions showed up for visits he was happy to see them, especially the ones that were of his time and prior.

On her first visit after the Fourth Doctor arrived, Sarah Jane immediately took River aside, "River, even if this is an older looking version of a Doctor I traveled with, it's still your husband, in a way. You aren't some pretty young thing companion with no more hold on him than me. He married you, and of his own free will. You are the only person he's ever traveled with that he's done that. That means his bond to you is profound, perhaps he doesn't even know that yet. On your side, I know you do though."

"Yes."

"I think there may have been another reason he made sure Four came to you. This Doctor has an odd charm that draws you in."

"Like Eleven."

"But he's also overtly protective. Eleven was thinking about the kind of man he really wanted to be not just for the children but for you too. That's why he sent you here too, right? To protect you and the children."

"Yes, that was what made it so hard to leave him. I wanted to try to protect him."

"You've probably done that a lot. Probably a lot more than he's done that for you."

"It's not a competition."

"It isn't. You've likely done it so many times more than he has, he feels like hell never catch up. This gave him a chance to give some of that back to you."

River had no reply to that then, but considering what the Fourth Doctor had just helped her do, she acknowledged it now. Funny, it was sometimes difficult for her to accept help from Eleven, but she had just trustingly accepted it from Four. It must be the difference in his personality. Plus with Four there was no baggage of pain directly associated with him, quite the opposite. .. Oh no, she'd already fallen for this different face of the Doctor. Shed adapted herself to him without even fully realizing it consciously, until now. .. That must have been part of Elevens plan, he knew in his gut she would. And Four seemed to know it, what had he just told her- Twelve will be very lucky.

River glanced over at Sarah Jane again and saw that Four was speaking to her now. They were glancing her direction and smiling. That made River wonder if Sarah Jane had already picked up on what she had just realized. River laughed inwardly, maybe it wasn't just fear and anxiety she was subconsciously projecting. She looked around the room and saw some knowing looks passing between some the other companions , well that answers that question, she thought.

"You seem happier now." Jo greeted her with a hug, leaping up from the floor with the energy usually associated with people her grandchildren's age. She'd been enraptured by watching Jonothon teaching Amelia how to use the tablet. She had arrived a bit late and missed the present opening, but adored watching the children interacting.

River laughed. "Is it that obvious?"

"Yes!" Jo giggled back.

"It shouldn't be. I've been having nightmares."

Jo hugged her again. "About that awful place?"

"Yes, a few about my childhood too."

"But, look, you can tell people about them now. The burden isn't all on you. It's all of us here for you that's made you happier. Look around at what a family you have now. Honestly, in spite of knowing were going to face some terrible thing, all of us are happier. None of us feel alone with our burdens. Even I know, not everything about being associated with the Doctor is happy. For years I felt so sad, felt the Doctor hated me and I would never see him again. Then, suddenly we met again by surprise. It was the Doctor with the face you know. Turned out he didn't hate me, but he had taken it as a rejection of him." Jo sighed.

"He hates endings, and tends to stay away from anyone who tells him no, or seems to come to prefer their lives outside of traveling with him. My parents were the only ones, I know of, that he didn't follow that pattern. But knowing my parents, they probably could never quite tell him they wanted to stop traveling with him. He was always welcome to visit, but they wanted to live in the real world now."

"Oh, and then it happened, but in the worst way."

"Close to the worst way, and for him, I guess it was. For me, even though they are lost to me too, and that does hurt, I know they were together for many years by human standards. That makes me accept it."

Jo patted her on the back. "You're part human so you can."

"Yes, our mortality is built in. We grieve, but we know, especially the older we get, that everyone dies. The important thing was how you lived, not how long."

"Although most of us hope for a long and healthy life."

River nodded.

"Mum?"

"Yes Jonothon?"

"I don't understand this app, do you know how it opens?"

River sat down between her children and looked at the app icon. "Oh that's a Tardis interface. I was working on it on my PDA and transferred it to Amelia's tablet this morning. You have to be on or near the Tardis to connect. I thought when you both got older and probably traveled with your father from time to time, this could be a way the Tardis could teach you about herself. I'll put it on your tablet too once we get back home."

"Okay." He smiled at her.

"Tardis!" Amelia shouted happily, then made the brakes on landing noise. It was such a perfect imitation everyone knew what she was doing, even Augustus and Tabetha, who had only heard the noise once in their lives. Everyone laughed and Amelia grinned, she was the center of attention and everyone was happy.

It was at that very moment River felt a sickening lurch. Instinctively she threw her arms around Jonothon and Amelia. The last thing she heard before everything went black was the laughter turning to shouts of fear.

She came to and barely held back the nausea from the abrupt teleport. Jonothon and Amelia weren't as lucky. Jonathon's reflexes were quick enough that he vomited on the ground, Amelia wasn't as lucky. River pulled out her pocket knife, sighing inwardly that this was the only weapon she had on hand to protect her children, and cut off the ruined upper layer of Amelia's top before it soaked through. Then used the clean part to wipe the mess off her and Jonathon's faces. As soon as River had done that and tossed away the material, Amelia began to wail and threw herself tightly against her mother. Jonothon was more restrained but tears were rolling down his face in fear, and he also clung more tightly to his mother.

"How repulsive. So this is what you've become Melody Pond, by marrying your precious Doctor."

River felt her stomach clench at that voice from her nightmares, Kovarian. But then something in her shifted when she looked down at her children and the swell of her belly , where the child, not yet born, grew. Her head came up with pride. "Far better than being the assassin you tried to make me into. This was all my choice."

Kovarian sneered but said nothing more. River smirked, realizing that was that woman's last shot. She'd never be a threat again. Trenzalore was her end as sure as it was the Silence. Despite knowing that, it didn't make seeing the Silence any less frightening.

On the other hand, she looked over at the Clerics, standing with Kovarian and the Silence. Even though the Cleric here had to be the hard line ones, there was outright dissension going on amongst them. She knew they were disturbed about the imagery contrasting their allies to one of their supposed enemies.

Considering how the Clerics were part of what was left of the Catholic church in the 52nd century, she knew the image of a lone pregnant woman with two young children crying and clinging to her as one of their supposed enemies had to be shaking them up psychologically. She wasn't about to pass up the opportunity to stir up that unease even more. When she was their prisoner in Stormcage- in the first eight years of her marriage, she would torment the guards by mockery and playing up the role as a sexy crazy woman. Now she could wrest more, well deserved, payback. Just by playing up the very different female imagery she knew was running in their heads. She leaned over and gently kissed Jonathon's and then Amelia's foreheads. Both children looked up at her and with a shuddering sigh from Jonothon and little whimpers from Amelia they gained some control over their fears, and then quietly clung to her.

"Oh, kill me now." Kovarian muttered with disgust. Within the energy barrier the Silence made hissing noises, but as River expected, the arguments amongst the Clerics intensified , some began to shout to be released, they had no party with what ever had happened in the past, and would not be the enemy of that woman and her little children.

A laugh with a clear hint of madness stilled the arguing. "Well, wait till the Doctor gets here and perhaps he'll show you mercy." The face would be considered handsome, if not for the sinister madness reflected in it.

The Master. The man she'd seen in her dream only last night. River shuddered.

He turned toward her then. "A worthy partner indeed, for my dear childhood friend." He breathed in deeply. "Yes, the rumors were true, you are certainly part time lord- you have the scent of time, and his Tardis as well."

She could see his interest in her, she didn't know how much that would help her, but at least he might be forthcoming about the welfare of everyone else. "Thank you. Can I ask you how the others are?"

"Oh yes, the companions, your human family members, and the Doctor." He turned around and suddenly ground embedded lights lit up most of the field. In separate spots she saw her friends and family, then separated from each other, each of the past faces of the Doctor. Only Eleven was missing. For a few minutes names were shouted back and forth and several tried uselessly to break the energy fields.

River didn't even bother, and her grandparents followed suit. Everyone besides the Doctors looked slightly ill from the abrupt teleports. Besides the former companions of the Doctor , no one associated with UNIT was there. River looked surprised when she saw even Captain Jack Harkness had been caught. He smirked and shrugged when their eyes met. She couldn't help smiling back despite where they were.

Then she looked again at where the Doctors were trapped. The Doctor who had met her at Asgard was looking at her with open mouthed shock. She wasn't sure which number he was. The encounter at Asgard happened right after she got the lecturer job, and found out she was pregnant with her first child. She sent the Doctor a message to meet her at Asgard for a picnic. She had planned to tell him about both happy events, while they were there. But when the wrong Doctor showed up she hadn't. She wouldn't risk their timelines. This younger Doctor didn't really know her, so he wouldn't have known her refusal of the wine was not a normal thing. Now here he sees her pregnant with what is rather obviously her third child. Again, despite the situation she smiles.

"Only the guest of honor is missing now." The Master smirked. "Should be here any time."

Everyone heard the Tardis noise.

"And there he is."

A collective gasp of shock arose at the gaunt man with the hollow eyed stare that stumbled out of the Tardis. Despite the clear attempt to face Trenzalore with a brave face, his clothes hung on him, he was barely more than a walking skeleton. When his eyes lit on River and the children, a hint of a smile touched his face. River gave him a look back that poured every bit of her love for him.

"So Doctor, how did you like my toy?" The Master smirks as the one dark area of field alights.

"Clara!" The Doctor and River shouted in unison. There was no response from Clara, only the eyes blinked. It was obvious this was not a true human being.

"Oh, was so simple predicting your fascination Doctor. A relatively simple construct. I took the remains of a converted Dalek who ridiculously thought she was still human-"

"Oswin." The Doctor looked sad.

"Then a bit of your wife's DNA as a child, stolen from the fools over there. It gave my toy the making of a human body, which I altered to her former human form. That bit of your wife's DNA also gave my toy a hint of a scent that would draw you right in. Then I gave Clara Oswin Oswald the illusion of free will, and made a few extra copies. Such an easy trap."

What a twisted bit of genius River thought.

"Well, no need for the toy anymore." The Master pulled out a tool resembling the Doctors sonic screwdriver and pointed it at Clara. A burst of light and all that was left was the organic form of a Dalek, helpless on the ground.

"Clara!" The Doctor cried in anguish. He dived for dying Dalek, rescuing it right before the Masters foot stomped it to death. Then he gently dropped the creature into a jacket pocket. It would leave the pitiful thing in a dimensional stasis field- that was the secret of that pocket. It would be alive, in a fashion. He could access that dimension someday, when he figured out how to save her. It was linked to him, but not actually on his person.

"Mercy to a Dalek, Doctor?"

"She thought she was human! She helped me!"

"Oh yes, erasing your records from the universe. You thought that was her final act didn't you? Well, that helped too, you gave her an image of the Doctor to hone in on, would have been such a delay to have her following one of those around." The Master waved a hand toward the earlier versions of the Doctor. "Bringing out and capturing your earlier selves was the harder part. You didn't figure out how to delay this though, until you only had one other left. Still, it didn't take me long to find him."

"I'm tired of your bragging." The Doctor muttered." Just start what was meant to happen here."

"Well, isn't that a change. You've running from it all this time, but now you can't wait?"

"Just do it!"

Oh, if you insist. "Who are you, really Doctor? What is your name?"

A compulsion burned through River and the Doctors, the only ones here who knew his true name. With a cry of anguish the sound poured awkwardly from her lips, immediately after the Doctors made the sounds true and clear- the sound was unearthly, it was no human word. The ground shook violently beneath their feet , the sky boiled with all the colors ever in existence, then reality itself warped before it stabilized. The past Doctors disappeared. Then an unearthly scream rent the air as the Doctor collapsed and began regenerating. But the energy distorted and burst in a blinding light as one scream became two. When River could see again, her hearts clenched, both figures still looked like Eleven but neither moved for minutes. River realized she was pressed against the energy barrier in the direction of her husband's bodies. Abruptly the barrier around her and the children dropped.

The Master smirked. "So go to him."

River stood and the children followed her, each taking a hand. She cautiously made her way over to her husband. Standing back a few feet in case the regeneration tried to start again.

With a groan both half versions of her husband sat up. Even though she had read enough to know what was going to happen, it was no less disturbing when they both looked at her and the children. She saw the eyes and immediately knew which one was the dark Doctor.

The dark Doctor barely glanced at the children but openly leered at her.

The other part Doctor looked at both the children and her, loving yet sad. He spoke first. "Sorry."

The dark Doctor laughed with a mad edge. "Nothing to be sorry about, was always going happen. She knows that, don't you, wife?"

"Yes."

"So, pathetic me can cuddle the children. You and I wife, are going on some adventures!"

River looked at the kinder Doctor and they exchanged silent nods. She let the dark Doctor eagerly pull her toward the Tardis.

Then he paused and turned around. "Oh yes, one last thing to take care of here first. Silence must fall, after all." He laughed manically and from a pocket in his now slightly singed jacket he pulled out an oversized sonic, and hit a setting. Then as she watched frozen in horror, faster than he'd ever moved before, he pointed it at the Silence, and amplifying it with a bit of regeneration energy, he killed every Silent. Next Kovarian screamed in agony, then collapsed to the ground, obviously dead.

When he began to do the same to the Clerics, River found she could finally move. She pulled gently on his arm. "Stop! Some of them were never a part of what happened to me! When they saw me some of them said they wanted no part in being allied to the Silence!"

The dark Doctor sighed, then deactivated, and lowered his deadly sonic. "Very well, dearest wife, for you, I will be merciful, this once."

He looked over at the Master and shrugged. The Master smirked. "So leaving this to me then?"

"My wife wants me to be merciful." He sighed again. "Let the ones that turned against the Silence go free. The others, up to you, but I suppose they can live. Perhaps an imprisonment like what they wanted my wife to suffer through .

"Brilliant idea, the perfect vengeance!" The Master said with mad joy.

River felt more sadness creep into her hearts, but knew this would be the most this dark Doctors would give way from icy vengeance.

"Trenzalore is boring! I want adventures with you!" The Doctor pulled River tightly his side. Then bending down slightly, he promptly snogged her intensely.

River felt her herself sink into the passion of their kiss. Then in a sensual daze, she let the dark Doctor pull her into the Tardis.


	6. Chapter 6

I Was Born Just To Get To You

I Was Born Just To Get To You

Chapter 6

She had plenty of times in her life where she felt she was living in an endless nightmare, and this was one. On the positive side he was insatiable for her and her late pregnancy was far from a turn off. On her part, the frequency often led to lots of satiated slumber. Then he would leave her in dreamland, while he would take the Tardis on a monstrous tour of deeds he committed through space and time.

It wasn't just physical joining but mental as well, that was what gave even that a horrific tinge. To have someone who loved you so much that the mental joining overpowered her self. Her very being felt subsumed into his. She felt his absolute pleasure at his vengeance throughout space and time. Her horror at his deeds were completely suppressed and pushed into echoing his psychopathic glee. This was the type mental unbalance her young childhood captors had tried to program into her, but directed at the Doctor alone. It was a graphic realization of how far even as Mels she had been from what they tried to break her into…. When they were mentally joined there was indeed two psychopaths on the Tardis. But as soon as he withdrew and left her to sleep, her defenses exerted themselves and she was herself again. Only the intensity of the mental and physical joining broke down her defenses temporarily.

She saw in his mind all those horrific crimes Kovarian and the Silence had told her about when they tried to brainwash a tiny child into being the Doctor's assassin. These crimes were fixed points. Despite that, her hearts were filled with guilt and shame. She could do nothing to stop this spree, even though she was here with him.

At times he would stumble into the bedroom laughing madly, clothes ruined, reeking of blood not his own, maybe a few minor cuts or burns on his body. He'd throw the clothes into the disposal and walk naked into the bathroom. While he showered, the Tardis and she would weep together. Each time this happened the Tardis would give her the updated list of crimes.

They were nearing the end of the recorded ones, she hoped that meant something would happen where she could reach him, get him to stop, to return to Trenzalore. The baby was very due soon. The Tardis was helping her keep track. Maybe after the baby was born and her energy wasn't so drained nurturing it inside of herself, she could stay awake and try to pull him back to Trenzalore.

She awoke, expecting him to be gone, off to commit more horrors, the ones not recorded, but he was there. He was looking at her as she awoke.

"You were moaning in your sleep, not good moans though. The Tardis says you're in labor." He looked worried.

"You'll stay? Help me deliver the baby?"

"Yes, of course." His eyes looked so concerned and normal right now, she felt overwhelmed all over again.

He walked away from the bed and handed her a pill and water. "It'll take away the pain, it's from Gallifrey, it's old, but you're only half time lord, so it might be enough. "

"Side effects?"

"It's similar enough to phenobarbital that you might babble out suppressed feelings."

"Right now you're more like you were normally, why?"

"You. I hear you and the Tardis, you know, when I come back… I feel it, here" He pointed to his hearts. "The stories you read said this me was only the dark monster inside of me. But do you know what else I suppressed?"

"What?"

"That you are the greatest love of my whole life. No one else has ever or will ever be so much in my heart or mind."

"Why did you suppress it?"

"Why did I treat you so abysmally, you mean?" He paused, even his dark self, hesitated when it came to saying this, "I saw you die and could do nothing to stop you, you knocked me out, then handcuffed me. I came to, helplessly watching while you acted the hero in my place. Our timelines were completely backward at that point, I didn't know you at all, you knew all about me. I tried to not fall in love with you for so long, just ran and ran, treated you horridly, hoping it kept my hearts distant from you. All the while here in my repressed self I was desperately in love with you already, and so angry I was determined on vengeance once I emerged. I would win you over my conscious self."

"Oh my love…"

"When I heard you, that what I was doing was hurting you so much…"

"Just stop, please. "

"How, this part, I'm meant to-"

"And you have, but it's done now. Please come back to Trenzalore."

For a moment he looked like he would argue with her, but then he looked defeated "Do you really love him more?"

"Not more, but you were always meant to be one person, not two."

"You aren't going to tell me to just die off and give him back the energy?" He looked at her in wonder.

"No. I want you both to agree to unite back into one person. I want him accept that you are a part of him."

"Especially the part that loves you more than anything in the universe?"

"Oh, we wouldn't want to make the Tardis jealous, would we?"

The Tardis made a noise very like laughter.

He grinned, "She's not jealous of you, not of my love for you, she helped make you, so I wouldn't be so lonely."

River nodded. "She let herself burn for 2,000 years in an alternate time to save me."

"Of course, you are her child, she'd die for you, if it would save you."

"Ooh, honey, I think the baby wants to be born now. Doesn't hurt but I there's this huge pressure. I have to push, now. Right now!"

The Doctor helped her stand up. As soon as she stood up her water broke.

"Oh, ugh, I made a big mess all over the floor."

The Doctor shrugged. "No the baby did." He knew the Tardis would clean up the floor as soon as they walked out, probably change the whole room.

He supported her to the medical bay where the Tardis helpfully had already changed to be the perfect birthing room.

After the baby was born and named Rory Song, the dark Doctor looked regretful. "I'll go back to Trenzalore. But there's one more thing I have to do. It's a fixed point have to do it."

"What one?"

"Be the Valeyard."

River sighed.

"I mostly just terrorize my younger self and wreck some havoc on Gallifrey before the Time War."

"Amongst other things."

"The things I do on Earth as the Valeyard, that's what really bothers you?"

"Yes, never understood why, you have such a bond to Earth, even this part of you."

"It's to wake my younger self up. This is what you are creating. If it helps only one of those things is fixed. I'll fake the rest for you. I just want to give my 6th and 7th selves a right kick in the pants, both needed it."

"You'll be using some kind of vortex manipulator to jump around like the stories said, right?"

He grinned madly, "Still have to sneak the Tardis through the lock though. Then keep it cloaked on Gallifrey."

"So I'll be on Gallifrey?"

"Yes." He pulled out a dark amber cloak with a deep hood "Wear that when you go out with the baby. Speak as little as possible. I had a few part human relatives so your genetics won't cause any alarm, nor the accent. But you won't know the politics, family connections, important stuff like that. The color of the cloak tells everyone you are from the same family I am. Not me the Valeyard, me the Doctor."

"I can just observe."

"Even better. But you will likely still be greeted."

"I know. I'll give off a forbidding vibe, so most will stay away."

She tried not to dwell on what the dark aspect of her husband was doing, seeing a place she never thought she would helped a bit. She made herself look slightly younger and changed her hair color to a deep chestnut before she walked out of the Tardis. She dropped the hood down when she entered a museum. She was quite amused to see a whole room devoted to "human artifacts". The attitude of Gallifreyans to humans was as she expected. Some also looked at her robe color and sneered, clearly the Doctor's family was not viewed favorably by some.

When the baby awoke and began to fuss, she left the museum and found a park. She didn't know how Gallifreyans felt about a woman publicly breast feeding. But considering she was part human and apparently of a family held in low esteem, she decided discrete was best. Once the baby was fed and asleep again, she brought up the hood again and made her way back to the Tardis.

The dark Doctor arrived not long after she did. He looked at her with a momentary shock, the way she looked, the color of her hair, it was how she looked when he met her in the Library. She was shocked in a different way by his appearance, it was so different from any of his regenerations. She realized it must be a perception filter just before he turned it off.

"River, your face, you were so shocked! Would you like me to turn it back on?"

"No." She laughed. "I think we better leave before one of those earlier Doctors track you here."

"More afraid of Six or Seven than the Valeyard, wife?" He smirked.

"No, they can't discover you."

"Yes, of course. I'll return now and do what I must. But, there's one place on Trenzalore we must not go. I'm hoping the Tardis doesn't land us there, because she's that enraged at me."

"If you had been alone…"

"She won't because you are here. "

"Yes."

When they landed back on Trenzalore River walked out first. She was happy to see the Master had been subdued and was now sitting in the cage she had seen in her nightmares.

"Are you okay?" Martha hurried over and did a rudimentary medical once over of both her and the baby. "Wish I had my lab equipment, you both need a full exam, I'm certain."

River nodded. "Later. We're both okay for now, but my husband isn't." She looked over at Eleven. He was sitting on the ground and was faintly shaking. Jonothon and Amelia were holding onto him tightly tears streaming from their eyes.

"You're back." he gasped, and forced a smile.

"Yes, and so is he. Now before he steps out and does what he has to, I want you to understand some things."

A collective gasp arose from the companions used to following the Doctor's orders, not having someone order him.

"Tell me River, what must I do." His eyes pleaded.

"One. Never, ever suppress part of yourself that way again. Two, I want you to accept this is a part of you, not some part you pretend isn't. Three, do not 'kill off' this part of you when you come back together. It will take a while to heal this, you'll have to bridge with it before it finally blends and is just part of what you are. I had to do something like that after Berlin, now it's your turn. You've gone much further and are coming from the other side, but still, do it. Four, You are always and completely forgiven."

"You can forgive what you've seen me do, as…"

"Yes. You did me, I can you. It's called marriage."

"For better or worse… I think I've just given you worse River, no better."

"Oh, you've given me better too, even this one."

The dark doctor strode to Eleven. "You heard the wife. It's time."

Eleven nodded. "Jonothon, Amelia, go to your mother."

"You're going to regenerate, right?" Jonothon said solemnly.

"As soon as I become one person again, yeah. Take your sister's hand and go to your mother."

As soon as Jonothon and Amelia were standing with River, Eleven held out his hand to his dark self. His dark self took his hand and with a burst of light and a scream they came together. The Doctor gasped "It starting…" Swiftly regeneration energy flowed over him, this time there was no screams. Eventually the blinding light dimmed to a glow , then dissipated.

"The Doctor's a woman!" most of the companions shouted in shock.

River smirked though. "Wondered where you'd come in. The stories mentioned a woman who called herself the Doctor, found a sketch too. Hmph, I'm so much better at sketching. They caught nothing of how beautiful you are, my love." As she spoke she walked toward this new incarnation of the Doctor.

The woman had a warm brown skin tone, silky brown-black hair that fell to her shoulders, eyes the color of dark chocolate. The face was neither young nor old, but like River's middle aged. The beauty in the face was, again like River's shown through strong features. It was not a pretty doll-like face, but that of a woman who had seen and survived much.

"My thoughts were on you, River as I changed. All I could think of is I want to be a person that will never hurt you again."

"How can the Doctor be a woman?"

"We can change gender as well as appearance. Usually what we begin as is our dominant gender, but becoming the other is always possible. "

"It doesn't bother you?" Ben sounded faintly disturbed.

"Not at all. I've lived most of my life in the 52nd century, gender is not a limitation on loving someone."

"Finally, huh? I think I'd like that century." Ace smiled.

"You're welcome to visit my home, any of the Doctor's companions are."

"You definitely won't be lonely now, River." The Doctor faintly smiled. "I'll be so busy ferrying my former companions back and forth, neither will I!" She laughed.

"So what do we do with him?" Martha pointed to the Master "I doubt if even UNIT's highest security prison can hold him."

The Doctor sighed. "He just played his role in this. It was a fixed point…"

The Master laughed. "What she can't tell you is I'm free to go. Could have gone a while back, but I wanted to see your female form for myself Doctor. I find you quite attractive. Ah, too bad you and your lovely wife aren't open to bringing in others…"

"No we're not." The Doctor said with irritation.

River shook her head in the negative as well, no not the Master. But her look was more amused.

"Well, I'll be on my way then. Oh and tell your minions they needn't worry, this is the last they'll see me." With a flourish the Master pulled out a vortex manipulator, and with a press of a button was gone.

"Good riddance, glad we'll never see him again." Sarah Jane said firmly.

"Everyone ready to go home?" River asked.

"Yes!" Was the unanimous shout.

"Everyone on the Tardis then." The Doctor waved toward her time machine.

"Next stop, everywhere." River murmured.


End file.
